What You Are
by PianoxLullaby
Summary: What was left for the Ishtar siblings after the end of Yu-Gi-Oh? Forgiveness doesn't always make everything all better.
1. This is the Life, and Who

**This the Life, and Who'd Argue?  
**_(This is the Life – Two Door Cinema Club)_

Paradise of the adolescent; salty taste on the tip of your tongue, a tingling on bronzed skin, a breeze that felt brand new, and daylight that never seemed to end. This was the life, a refreshing change to all things from his past. Marik Ishtar had finally found a way he could forget his desolate childhood spent in the tombs of long-gone Ancient Egyptian Kings. There was such life in the ocean, in the waves crashing over his shaggy blonde head. He had taken up surfing and even managed to persuade his brother, Rishid, to join him. Shredding apart the incoming tides was like being reborn. Of all things on land, the ocean was his new home-place; haven.

Since the events about a year and a half prior, Marik hadn't socialized much outside of Rishid and his sister, Ishizu. Nobody else could possibly understand their special sense of action or their extreme indifference to things in the world. They were all three scarred deep inside and still healing—healing slowly in their own time. Delicate, desert flowers that bit until you bled.

Marik napped often in the sand of the shore, taking in the sunlight he had been so deprived of. The sunlight was always the strongest at noon, always the warmest and most tingling on the beach in the constant summer of Egypt. He could usually go undisturbed, other local beachgoers completely creeped by the way he and his siblings carried themselves and their sudden appearance. However, sand was kicked in his face, caking the inside of his mouth making breathing an absolute chore. He shot straight upright, choking, spitting and hurling the sand out of his mouth.

"What the hell, asshole?" he growled, still spitting up sand. He blocked the sun to reveal it was no asshole at all, but rather, his sister instead. "What's the deal with trying to kill me, Zu? I thought we already got payback out of the way?"

She smiled knowingly. "C'mon, get up. Rishid wants to catch some waves before we head back home, and you know he doesn't like to go without you."

"Yeah, alright, alright." Ishizu pulled her little brother up to his feet as he brushed the sand off his skin. The dirty-blonde grabbed his board and signaled for his brother to follow along into the water. "Hurry up, Rishid! I wanna see if you've gotten any better since the last time we surfed together!"

Rishid, nearly giant in comparison to his siblings, smiled and followed along to catch up with his baby brother. He was finally starting to loosen up, and he and Ishizu both knew it was all Marik's doing. All his and the newfound hope they had found in the past year. Burdens were lifted, and they all found themselves a little lighter.

The bronze brothers raced out into the tide, wide-eyed and eager for that cool water to splash against their skin. Marik was already atop his board and paddling out into deeper sea and harsher tide. He spotted the ideal wave and claimed it, standing on his personal throne and ruling over the sea as its king. And the water tunneled over him, like it was cradeling him. In moments like this, he was clean; pure. All of his sins just vanished in that salty water and the fish beneath him would swallow it up.

And then he lost control and tumbled into that cold ocean, but it felt good. It gave him goosebumps and got all that grime out of his hair, made his head lighter and made his vision clearer. He bathed in that shivering cold, as if he were rolling around in sheets. He ignored everything else, all the nagging. His delight was dangerous, depriving him of air. Rishid's grasp pulled him above water, bringing him back to reality.

"Are you alright?" he gasped, holding Marik above the water still.

Marik choked, "Yes, I'm fine. I wasn't drowning, I was fine. I know what I'm doing."

Rishid sighed, exhausted. Sometimes he wondered if Marik actually did know what he was doing. He wondered about that little boy, worried about him as if he were still five-years-old.

"Are you boys okay!?" They heard Ishizu call from the distant shore. With that, they knew it was time to head back. Worrying Ishizu meant she would be stressed out and checked out for the rest of the day. They swam back to shore, dragging along their surf boards and shaking the water out of their hair.

The Ishtars packed up their things in the back of their vehicle and sped off to town, where they were still unpacking in their new apartment. They favored the hustle and bustle of the city. They didn't even miss the desert. Not at all.

Things had become a little more routine since the events of the Battle City tournament. Ishizu had taken on the role of 'housewife' as Marik called it; doing the housework, the cooking, and looking after the boys. Rishid brought home the bacon, and Marik was still struggling to hold down a job. It all bored him, and the boredom sunk him right back into a state of depression he was still fighting with. Marik was rarely as giddy as he once was as a child, rarely smiled with such innocense and naivity. Even in such darkness, he was still somehow peppy and optimistic about life. It must have been his youth.

He hadn't even been living for twenty years, and already he had so much destruction caused at his hands. In his passionate desire for a normal life, he had removed any ability to be normal for the rest of his life. All of his evildoings, he knew they would follow him forever. And they should, because that's what he deserved. No redemption for this vengeful murderer of souls, this deprived soul.

The stillness in the walls drove him mad. Marik couldn't stand being at home most of the time. It was more of a P.O. box than anything, really.

He practically ran out the door and walked through the streetlights, music blaring loudly in his ears—another newfound love of his. He rather liked being out at nighttime and gazing on all the stars in the sky, though there were scarcely any in town. Even nighttime aboveground was brighter than those tombs. Any darkness was better than that hellhole that used to be home.

This had become a part of the routine; staying at home only long enough to get antsy and then run off into the streets. And in this routine, he would always see the same girl, about a year younger than him. She was tall, maybe the same height as him, he could never tell because of the yellow stiletto's she always wore. She had bangs that were cut straight and brushed off to the side, and medium length hair—black, and peeking from under that was a long braid with orange and green beads entangled in it. She had a very petite figure and wore a white cami, the center of the bust presenting a small, light yellow bow and a bright yellow mini-skirt that reminded Marik of some type of marshmallow. Some nights, she even wore a moss-green vest. He never got close enough to see her eye color, though.

"I'm Merit," she said just loud enough so that he could hear her. Lucky his music player had just died on him, otherwise he never would've caught it. "I've seen you maybe every single day since you moved here?"

He didn't respond at first. Marik wondered what roused her to speak to him today, because he certainly had no intentions of making social contact with her today or any other time soon. "Yeah, I've seen you, too."

"Got a name?"

What sort of stupid question was that? "Marik."

"That's funny," she started rather shyly, "if I was a boy, my parents were going to name me that. Why'd you move here? Parent stuff?"

He paused for a moment. "Yeah… parent stuff."

Merit didn't have anything to really respond with. She just started jabbering about her own home life. Something about how her parents dragged her all over Egypt and sometimes to other countries to show off exhibits and other stuff that only rich people seemed to care about, Marik didn't really listen that much. He was more concerned with dropping her so he could go home and eat something and crash in bed. He was so mind-numbingly bored, and this boring conversation wasn't helping at all.

"I've seen you surf. You're pretty good at it," she continued, trying to get some sort of reply, finding it very difficult to get more than one word out of him. "I could never do that, the water scares me."

Marik was baffled. Scared of the ocean? What planet was this chick from? "Why?"

"I dunno, something about how deep it is, and all the fish—mainly sharks and stuff. I especially don't like going underwater; I'm scared that when I come back up for air something will block my way or pull me down to the ocean floor. It's just too claustrophobic and I don't have enough control."

There was silence. Awkward, more to Merit than Marik.

"Well," she started, "I'd better head home. Mom and Dad are gonna be furious with me," she laughed, "Bye!" Merit waved and raced back home. The whole thing left Marik dumbfounded. What exactly just happened, and why did it happen?

She left his mind rather quickly after a few minutes of pondering her intentions and even her agenda. When was she on the beach, he hadn't ever seen her there before? At home, Ishizu had cooked dinner. Something that wasn't near perfection, but it was good enough, and since his sister was trying so hard, Rishid and Marik were always very enthusiastic about her cooking.

As usual, Ishizu asked Marik where he went, and his response was always the same. He didn't find it important enough to mention Merit. He figured he would probably never talk to her again, anyways, and if he did mention her, his sister would make way too big a deal out of it. Rishid and Ishizu both were always pressuring him to talk to someone—anyone. He really needed friends, they said. The relationship between the three of them was like Mother, Father, and Son, but Husband and Wife didn't apply here. Ishizu, Rishid and Marik continued to be siblings, but the older two always found it necessary to parent over their baby brother. He still had the mind of a child.

After the routine dinner, Marik slumped into bed and stared at the wall. He wouldn't fall asleep for another hour and a half, maybe two or three. Just like every night in paradise.

And the next day was just like the day before with the exception of Rishid going to work. Ishizu drove Marik to the beach as per the usual, and he rushed out to those ocean waves, only today, his peripheral vision kept an eye out for that Merit girl. It wasn't so much that he cared to see her again, only that he was curious, now. She seemed strange, even to him.

Ishizu noticed her brother acting a little hesitant running to the water today. The bounce in his step was a little off, like he was sure something was following him. She looked a ways behind his path to see if, in fact, someone were chasing him, only to find common beachgoers sunbathing.

Merit was indeed watching. She was extremely interested in the ear-to-ear smile on his face that only seemed to appear when he was out on those waves. She wondered if she could ever see that close up, if it were possible that anything else could make him that happy. If it were possible, she was gonna be the one to find out.

When Marik finally caught sight of her, he dragged his board through the sand and walked over to her place on the beach, a very threatening look on his face, completely opposite to the look he carried out on the water. "What are you so interested in me for?"

"I just wanted to get to know you…" she started, a little nervous by the face he was making, "I thought that maybe you could use a friend, you and your brother and sister all look really lonely, and I know nobody ever talks to you guys. There are rumors that darkness follows you three wherever you go."

"Well, they're right. Stay away from me." Conversation over. He turned to walk back to his sister.

"I highly doubt that."

"Why are you even here if you're so scared of the ocean? What's the point?" Marik practically shouted back at her. This was all very frustrating and was disrupting his daily routine that he had grown so accustomed to.

"Because I like the sun. And I like watching the surfers and the kids building sandcastles. Its relaxing," she replied, "I get bored at home all by myself. Video games get boring and honestly, I'm tired of my parents just giving me money to go buy whatever I want. They aren't, like, absent from my life or anything, I just wish they were around a little bit more. But they're busy, I get that," and here she went, jabbering on and on again. It was like she didn't know how to stop.

"I get it, I get it," Marik interupted, already bored of her melodrama. She smiled awkwardly, knowing very well about her annoying habit.

"So, what sort of things do you like to do, Marik? Besides surfing and going for walks at night?"

Marik had to think about this one. Was there really anything else he liked to do besides that? Those two things pretty much summed up his daily life at the moment. "I dunno, haven't tried much else."

She laughed, "What? You been living under a rock this whole time?" Spot on, actually.

"Pretty much," he shrugged. "Besides, what else is there to do, really?"

"Well," she started, "there's all sorts of things. Like, watching movies and buying things and playing video games and board games and hiking and visiting museums and all sorts of other stuff. I mostly play video games and visit museums. I love Ancient Egyptian stuff, especially." It was at this moment that Marik suddenly noticed the old, gold bracelet around her wrist. It was, indeed, an ancient piece of jewelry; the scriptures on it reminded him of his studies underground.

"Where did you get that bracelet?" he asked, still staring at it.

"Oh, this?" she raised her wrist, "my Dad gave it to me when I turned thirteen. He said an ancient Egyptian queen wore it who was beloved by her people. I'm not sure how he managed to afford it, but I cherish this piece of jewelry. All things Ancient Egypt are so elegant."

He scoffed. "More like morbid."

"You got a problem with Ancient Egypt?"

Marik shrugged. "I'm just not super fond of it, that's all."

Merit leaned back into the sand, letting it fall over her long, skinny fingers and warm her palms. "You sure are mysterious. What did your parents do before you moved here? I was told you and your brother and sister all came from somewhere deep in the desert: the Valley of Kings, actually. Has the subject of our country's history really bored you so much?" she chuckled, "I would've killed to be where you were."

"And I killed to get out."

* * *

**Author's Note**: This is something I've been meaning to work on for a while. Before you get your panties in a bunch over Merit, let me just tell you that I'm leaving everything totally ambiguous so you can choose whether or not they like each other more than friends. Some people will totally hate her, and that's cool, feel free to do so. Some of you might like her, some won't care.

Basically, I wanted to write something about how the Ishtar's continue with life after Duel Monsters. Their strange family dynamic is very interesting, and this is the first time I've really been able to write something of a decent length. For anyone that's read any of my other fanfiction, you know just how bad I am at writing long chapters. In fact, most of them look like a series of One-Shots.

Anyways, hope you enjoy. Please read and review! Constructive Criticism is always welcome.


	2. The Song is Not the Same When

**The Song is Not the Same When We're All Played Out  
**_(Doncamatic – Gorillaz ft. Daley)_

It was the same every night. He was dragged to the ceremonial chamber kicking and screaming with all his might, throat practically bleeding. His flesh was more vulnerable, more delicate to the elements. Marik couldn't get enough air down there, couldn't sort through the carbon dioxide that took over the tunnels. Could no one hear him screaming? Did no one care to save him?

The candlelight was ominous, as ominous as the dark shadows hiding in the corner of the room. The open scriptures were books of the most unforgivable tortures. "You'll learn to find delight in the pain, son. With this agony comes the greatness of leadership and the responsibility of our traditions." The men in cloaks held him down on the stone bench, the cold of it causing a shiver down his spine. They forced a gag in his mouth, and he felt warm tears slide down his cheeks. Why couldn't they see that he didn't want this? Why was his father doing this to him?

"Marik, I have never been more proud of you."

He ran to the bathroom, hurling up all his insides, it seemed. Marik clutched onto the toilet, like someone desperately clinging to a ledge for dear life. The scars on his back seemed to burn, though he knew it was all hallucination by now. He felt his lips quivering and the weakness in his knees. This is what the nightmares had reduced him to.

Still shaken, he stood and splashed cold water on his face and poured it over his shaggy hair. Made sick by the taste in his mouth he grabbed the mouthwash behind the mirror and swished it around, spitting it all out in the sink. Marik hoped that he could detox all those bad memories right out of his system. Maybe the vomiting was the cure.

"You wake me up every night, Marik." He turned to see Ishizu leaning in the hallway past the open door of his bedroom. He could barely see her face in the darkness from the lighting in the bathroom. "I have nightmares, too. I'm sure yours are more traumatizing than mine are, though…" she trailed off. "I just want things to be normal for us—for you."

"Well, there's nothing you can really do about the lack of normalcy, Zu. This is the way we are, and none of us can change it."

"But I'm your big sister. I'm supposed to take care of you!" It was something Ishizu had always struggled with; the responsibilities of being the elder sister. She always seemed to fail her brother when he needed her most, and she didn't know how to forgive herself despite all the forgiveness Marik has given her. Why did she succumb to such weakness whenever it meant protecting him?

"You can't protect me from everything, Ishizu. You can't stop bad things from happening just like I can't erase the past. We're fucked for life." There was a familiar coldness in his eyes, in his body language as he walked out of the bathroom and back to his room. It was a coldness that took Ishizu back to Battle City, back to the Monster-Marik that saw no hope in life, felt no warmth in family. The child he once was had been stripped from his very insides, torn apart and rebuilt into a frankenstein soul. Ishizu wondered if there was any way he could be put back together as he once was and still sustain life.

In the past few days, Marik had found himself distant from his siblings. He chose Merit's company over the others. It was nice to be around someone that had absolutely nothing to do with his past and no ties to that darkness. Ishizu and Rishid were constant reminders of the tombs and the torture. Reminders of the evil in the world; evil they fell victim to, evil they committed. Merit was so naïve to it all. Marik wished he had that ignorance to dance with. He wished he could possess that care-free nature everyone around him enjoyed.

"What school did you go to?"

He was interrupted from his thoughts. "School?"

"Yeah. Or were you homeschooled? I was homeschooled by a friend of my parents'. We traveled a lot so there was no point in enrolling me in schools. It was just easier for school to travel with us." Merit always had a lot of questions for him. He rather hated how interesting she found him—he was afraid that one day she would ask certain questions that he may be forced to answer. Questions that would reveal everything, make it resurface and attack him again.

"I dunno. Guess I was homeschooled or something. We didn't get out much so I'm kind of sheltered about all this stuff you talk about."

Merit was building sandcastles. Marik just watched. They met at the beach most days. The other Ishtars had no idea about Merit just yet. Marik, still, would rather not deal with the overreactions on their part to his new "friendship."

"So, why do you wear a wife beater out in the water? Are you self-conscious about something?" To most people, such a question would be a little rude or blunt, but to Marik, it was just plain crossing the line.

"I just like to, okay? Why do you care?"

"Just curious, is all. You do a lot of odd things, you know. I can't help but wonder why you do what you do. I watch you… and your sister and your brother. All three of you act rather odd. What are their names, anyways?"

"My sister is Ishizu, and my brother is Rishid."

"You know, your sister is very pretty. My whole life, I wished I could have such elegance like she does. She reminds me of Ancient Egyptian Queens. Something about her is very regal. And your brother looks like a bodyguard," she giggled. "I imagine you never feel unsafe whenever he's around?"

Sometimes this girl was spot-on with her assumptions. "Never."

She continued with her sand-constructions. Merit was building an Egyptian empire, Marik guessed. "Do you realize how lucky you are to have a brother and sister? I'm an only child. Home is so boring and when you travel a lot you don't get to have friends, really."

Merit sure seemed to love telling Marik how lucky he was. If only she knew. He would trade lives with her in a heartbeat if he could. Suddenly, Marik had a question for her. "Why do you love Ancient Egypt so much?"

"Well, I guess because it's all I've ever had my whole life: the study of our history. My parents taught it to me more than any other subject. I probably know more about it than most history teachers. My dad wants me to follow in their footsteps and be an Egyptologist. Travel the world, give presentations at universities in the States, the whole big deal. And it's so interesting, anyways. Our ancestors were part of one of the first civilizations documented in history. Our culture is so unlike most others. It's beautiful and mysterious. Like a long-haired stud from an American romance novel."

She did have a lot to say—all the time. He could tell she was definitely telling the truth about the loneliness of the life of an only child.

"Do you read a lot?" she asked. He shook his head. "You should really get into it. I have a huge list of books I could let you borrow that you might like, though most of the books I own do have ties to the subject of Ancient Egypt. I hope that won't be too much of a problem?" she smiled.

"I think I'll pass. Reading sounds boring." He fell back into the sand, uncaring of what a chore it would be later on to get all of it out of his hair. It had been a while since he last went surfing, anyways. Maybe he'd go catch some waves before he headed home tonight.

Yes, life was still boring as ever, even with the new companion he'd found. She was more like an excuse to stay away from home and Ishizu and Rishid, a crutch he could use so he wouldn't have to be left alone with his memories.

The silence in the room during dinner was almost throbbing if you could imagine such a thing. He was waiting for Ishizu to start prodding at him about some issue or another; if he was still working on getting a job, if he'd made any new friends, and why was he so Radamn distant from them now? He didn't care to answer questions at all, didn't care to eat or to move from his spot at the table. He may as well have been brain-dead.

"You're wasting away, Marik."

He didn't even look up.

She was fuming now, breathing deeply with eyes tearing up. She stood abruptly, pushing her chair across the room with the force. "We were all doing so good, dammit!"

"Ishizu!" Rishid seemed almost hesitant to calm her.

"Why have you turned from us, again!? What force is pulling you away?" she cried, fists clenched and shaking. This was it. She wasn't going to sit back and watch her family fall apart again. She wouldn't succumb to that fear from her past.

"Calm down, Ishizu. You sound fucking crazy." None of this really phased Marik. Nothing could scare him, anymore. It was all so juvenile by comparison.

She threw her bowl across the room and listened to it shatter in the distance. "Don't you fucking tell me that I'm crazy! Whatever happened to that promise we all made each other? What happened to it, Marik? You were the one that made us all promise! You! I know our family is broken and everything, but I was so sure things were getting better. Why won't you talk to me about it? I thought we discussed that? You have to talk to us about it!"

Marik stood. "Talk about what, Ishizu? About the memory we all share from different perspectives? About that day not fucking long enough ago where Father dragged me by my wrists and ankles, tied me down, shoved a gag in my throat and carved into my back with a red-hot 'holy' knife? How you stood there and fucking prayed to the Gods that apparently condoned that shit to stop it? That day we all remember when I went batshit fucking crazy and murdered the ever-loving fuck out of Father and came up with some bullshit about a dead Pharaoh and swore vengeance on him? How I turned into a monster and let people die in the name of my revenge? There is no talking about that, Ishizu! You know everything, what the fuck else do you want me to tell you?"

"Marik! You're angry, calm down!" Rishid grabbed Marik's shoulders, tried to get him to return to his seat while Ishizu sobbed at the other end of the table. Something about Rishid's voice always broke through to him.

"You don't know what I've been forced to be tormented by, sis. Can't understand it, at least. Not unless you experienced it yourself. No amount of apologies or discussion will help it, and I might never get better," he sighed, his heart shaking inside of his chest and the corners of his lips holding back the tears. "Some days, it just gets too hard to force the smile on, okay? I am trying, believe me. I don't want to feel this anymore, but I can't guarantee it'll ever go away…"

Ishizu just cried, biting her bottom lip in the hopes that it might help stop the sobs from escaping her mouth. And Marik and Rishid broke down, too. They all broke down. Broke again as they always had been. Broke again as they probably always would.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Second chapter is up. I actually have another chapter and a half of this done, but I think I'll hold on posting them for a while. Uh, feel free to ask me questions about the story or the characters in the reviews or in PMs and I'll choose some to answer in the next couple of chapters! Thanks for reading!


	3. Why Can't We Speak Another Language, One

**Why Can't We Speak Another Language, One We All Agree On?  
**_(Wish I Stayed – Ellie Goulding)_

"Need some extra money for something?" Merit skipped alongside Marik down the streets of downtown. Ishizu had given him some want-ads, hoping that he might be able to find a job somewhere. One that he could keep.

He shook his head. "No. I'm just trying to get the hang of this 'normal lifestyle' thing. Most people have jobs if they're not in school, right? Isn't that how it goes?"

Her eyes, he had finally discovered that they were a pale blue, maybe even a little gray, went towards the back of her head in deep thought. "Hmm, I guess so. Unless you're like me and your parents want you to commit most of your time towards studying."

"What do you call this, then?" he was very suspicious. If that were very well the case, then why did her parents allow her to go gallivanting all over Egypt from dawn until dusk? It was pretty much the opposite of studying.

She shrugged. "That's the thing. My parents never really care about what I do with my free-time until I tell them I want a job. I think it's probably just an excuse or something, I don't know. They're weird sometimes." She peeked at the paper Marik was holding. "Where are we off to next?"

Marik looked down at the ad a little awkwardly. This was one of the worst parts about finding a job, he decided: The whole process of applying. "Looks like a flower shop or something? I dunno, doubt I'll get this one. I'm not good with people."

"Yeah, I've noticed that. Too bad most people can't see you like I do."

"And just how exactly is that? Like a play thing? You poke and prod at me like some sort of lifeless doll."

"I didn't know that was how you felt about it. I was just trying to get to know you, is all," she replied, her mood unchanged.

They arrived. Marik sighed.

"You need to be a little more optimistic."

"It's too hard."

"You're just stubborn."

He shrugged. They went into the shop and continued on their quest to find Marik a job to keep him occupied and to make something out of him. The shop had all sorts of flowers, mostly desert flowers. They were beautiful and exotic, and they smelled the whole shop up-heavenly. Merit was in awe at the intricate details in the vases; they were almost all of them painted with Ancient Egyptian artwork, but whoever painted them put so much detail into them that they looked intricate, like a lace trim. It was like a Victorian Gothic Ancient Egypt, and Merit was all over it. She knew that even if Marik didn't get the job, she would be buying many, many vases from this little shop.

Exiting a back room, an elderly lady walked out carrying a large watering can and packages for the plants she always used to keep them healthy so that they might live longer. They usually did live a little longer, but not by much. Either way, she kept at it, because a little was a lot.

"Hello!? Are you the shop owner? We saw your want-ad!" Merit called, being a voice for Marik that he just couldn't be for himself at this present time.

The graying woman turned her whole body so that she might see who had called out to her. Her glasses were thick and her hair was pulled back in a tight bun so that her vision may not be altered, but she still struggled. "Who saw my want-ad?"

Merit waved. Marik stood there and secretly hoped he wouldn't be seen. "We did. I'm Merit and this is my friend, Marik. He's looking for a job."

"Well, that went well." Merit skipped along, playing the the hem of her skirt.

"I guess." Marik wasn't very excited at all about it. Granted, he did want a job because he knew he needed to. He needed to help his brother support them, and he knew once he got a job, Ishizu wouldn't worry about his progress as badly. Marik did hate the thought of being a bum, but at the same time, he just wasn't ready to be out in the world as an average citizen.

They came to a bench and decided to take a seat. The sun was going down, but the air was still hot and dry. Merit handed Marik a water bottle that was half full and he turned it away. It wasn't that he wasn't thirsty, it was just that he didn't want to.

"So, why don't I see your parents ever? Do they work a lot or something?" she asked after a big gulp of water. Marik realized she was finally going to catch up to his lie, so he may as well start telling her some sort of truth.

"My parents are actually dead."

Merit felt a little awkward now. "I-I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be. It's better off this way."

"So, what did you guys do when you lived in the Valley of Kings? Were you excavating?" This is the one question that was still prodding at the back of her mind since Marik didn't answer it before.

"We were Tomb-Keepers. I was the next in-line to be the leader and all that bullshit. If Dad hadn't died, I'd still be stuck down there..."

She scratched her head. "You really like to shy around the details of things, don't you, Marik?" He didn't respond. His mind was someplace faraway and Merit wondered just where exactly that someplace might be. She wasn't sure, but she was right: he was down at the bottom of those tombs somewhere, lost to the corners of the rooms where even the candlelight couldn't reach. She continued to stare at him, all outdoors silent but the whistling of a cool summer breeze. She wondered if she stared long and hard enough if she might be able to see right through his skin and read his thoughts like an open book.

"What's wrong with you, Marik?" she nearly whispered, eyes fixed on his faraway gaze. His eyes were glassy and didn't move. He didn't even blink.

"Everything... I am the monster that crawls under your feet at night."

"I... don't understand, Marik," she was a little frightened by him now. "What do you mean? What's happened to you?"

"A nightmare..."

She scooted closer to him, maybe to comfort him, maybe out of sheer intrigue. "You have nightmares about the tombs? Do you dream about monsters down there?" She could understand the terror it may have caused a child to live underground; to be in total darkness surrounded by dead bodies all day long. Maybe it had a lasting effect on him.

Marik stopped, blinked, sat upright and let his feet rest on their heels. "Yeah, pretty much." Her naivety was ridiculous. It pulled him right from the nightmare because it was so elementary. It was the truth, but the most sugar-coated and censored sort of truth he could imagine.

Merit slumped back into the bench and watched as the stars began to peek out from behind the black sky. It was getting late. She knew Mom and Dad would wonder where she had been all day. They knew about Marik and how she was the only friend she knew that he had. They knew that Marik was probably the only friend she had at the moment. Mom and Dad both had a feeling that Marik must have been an odd one; Merit wasn't too normal on her own and could only possibly gather the company of others just as strange.

The two gazed at the stars as they continued to pop from the black ocean, their necks stretched back and their heads resting on the back support of the bench. It was uncomfortable, but the view was worth it.

"I like you, Marik." she said so bluntly. It was very platonic, very straightforward and more a statement than a confession. He turned his head, the wood crushing the cartilidge of his ear. "You're weird, and I like that. You do your own thing and don't pay attention to anything that doesn't interest you. You've got this," she gestured with her hands. It was something she did a lot of, Marik suddenly noticed, "wall, this great big wall that surrounds you. It's like you're a sacred temple or something, like you're hiding The Lost Ark in that head of yours." She laughed. He smiled a little. "You're like a wild animal that you have to be very careful around or you might run away and we'll never see you again. It might sound weird, but I like all that because its kind of a challenge. I know it's worth getting to know you because once I can break past that barrier you have I'll find something amazing..."

His frown returned to his face. There was nothing amazing to find in his person. Only abominations and terrors.

That night, he returned home exhausted and without need of supper, but he stayed up anyways to leave Rishid and Ishizu company. After the event the few nights before, Marik felt it was only right to start giving them more of his time again. He never meant for them to get hurt, not ever. It bothered him that his actions had brought them stress and worry. He had already caused enough of that for one lifetime.

Ishizu was cleaning up the kitchen in the overly white lighting when Marik came up to the counter and sat in the barstool on the other side. "You're back later than usual, Marik. How'd job hunting go?"

He folded his arms over the countertop and rested his head in them. "It went okay. A few people said they'd think about it. Some said the position was already filled. Nothing special or out of the ordinary."

"Is that what you were doing all night? You left a little after noon, I wouldn't think it would take you all day to go job hunting."

"It didn't."

"Where do you go? What do you do all day?" she turned on the sink and began to fill it with hot, soapy water. There weren't many dishes to do since she got to them every night and for dinner that evening it had only been her and Rishid at the table.

"I hang out in the park or at the beach, you know that."

"Yeah, but something's different. I notice this tall, slender girl about your age hanging out at those places all the time, too, even when you aren't there. She doesn't look like she has any friends."

"I don't think she does."

"You're her friend, aren't you, baby brother?" she smiled. It was obvious Ishizu had caught on, but he much preferred this sort of reaction than what could have happened.

He leaned back in the chair, one foot on the edge of the counter to tilt the chair on the back legs. "I guess, I dunno. She talks a lot and I listen... sort of. And she asks a lot of fucking questions. She said to tell you she thinks you're beautiful, by the way."

Ishizu smiled. Marik hadn't seen that for a while. "She seems really nice. I'm glad you're making friends."

"What about you, Zu? And Rishid? You guys need friends, too, don't you?" He didn't usually let himself worry about them, but suddenly he just couldn't help it. He finally realized that all of their efforts were in giving him a normal life. They really were like parents that were willing to sacrifice their every need for their child. Marik didn't like it, he decided. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

"Oh, well, I don't have time to get out much. I've made acquantinces with the librarian down at the corner. She always has some new books for me to pick up. And Rishid has friends from work. I think they probably befriended him before he had the chance to even let them know his name. Those guys at work really like him for some odd reason. Can't say I don't understand, though. Marik, don't worry about us. Your brother and I will be fine. Just worry about yourself, okay?"

He was staring at the countertop, at the freckles beneath the finish. "Yeah... kay." He didn't really want to agree to it, but he knew he barely had a mind to think of much else besides what was right in front of him. And that was okay, because he could only take it day by day. Moment by moment. Otherwise, the demons might take over again.

Ishizu had since finished the dishes, rinsed her hands and messed Marik's hair before heading down the hall. "Love you, Rikky. Try to have good dreams tonight."

He grimaced. "You know I hate that name."

It was nice for things to be more lighthearted for once. It was like a breath of fresh air. Like the first time he stepped outside of the dark.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Chapter three is up, as you can very well see.

You know, something I've always loved about Rishid and Ishizu is their devotion to their little brother. They protect him at all costs (for the most part) and fight to give him a normal life. You can tell that Kazuki really puts huge value in the sibling relationship (ie: Joey + Serenity, Seto + Mokuba) and the protective and sometimes nurturing role being the elder siblings places on you. I just love the Ishtars because they really do have such a tight-knit family relationship that you can almost smell, ha ha! I just love it.

Thanks for reading!


	4. Fools for God Don't Love Another's Touch

**4. Fools for God Don't Love Another's Touch. Making Babies for Good or Grief?  
**_(Rude to Rile - Horse Feathers)_

It was too blistering hot. Merit demanded that today she and Marik go out to get some ice cream. Marik didn't really complain, he always just let Merit drag him around to do whatever she wanted to do. However, today he did plan on shredding some waves and he didn't care if Merit had any objections.

Marik didn't ever have ice cream before. He wasn't sure about all these flavor choices. Chocolate, Mint, Strawberry, Coconut, Cactus, Orange, Vanilla? He let Merit pick a flavor for him; coconut. It was an exotic flavor, and apparently it was Merit's favorite. It was always so crappy that she could never find it in a carton anywhere and blah blah blah. And she was gone.

"So, do you take baths?" he asked almost sarcastically.

"What?" she nearly choked on her ice cream. "Of course I do, why in the hell would you ask me something like that? I don't smell, do I?"

He shrugged, a little smirk on his face. "I just figured since you're so scared of the water that maybe you don't even bathe. Makes sense to me." She punched him and he laughed in response. This Marik was very familiar to him. They hadn't seen each other since he was a child.

"You're so terrible, Marik Ishtar. I don't want to be friends with you anymore." She was acting so childish, it was ridiculous.

Marik laughed again. "That's cool, no problem for me."

"Oh, my Ra!" She punched him again, but laughed now. "You really _are_ just terrible! Tizak!"

Marik chomped the last bit of his cone. "That's not language for a lady to use, Merit. I should have a talk with your father."

"Oh god, not that!" The two walked towards the beachfront. It was less crowded than usual at this time of the day-most people were still working. This was the best time to be at the beach.

Marik was making progress. Really good progress. Merit always got giddy every time she thought about it. She knew in her heart that it wouldn't be that much longer before she could finally tear down that wall he had built around himself. Pry right through the folds of his mind and see who Marik Ishtar was at his very core.

Marik's very nightmare. When he wasn't dreaming about that horrible night, he was dreaming about the day Merit finally saw who he really was. When she would learn what sort of monster slept deep down inside of him and hibernated, waiting impatiently to claw his way out to the outside world and bloody everything that opposed his selfish, tyrannical desires.

They sat on the beachfront, a little closer to the water than usual. Marik was waiting for when Merit would freak out and beg him to let them sit further away. She was still eating her ice cream cone; a very slow eater. It was actually more that she didn't know how to stop talking long enough to keep eating.

"Can you imagine what this place looked like thousands of years ago?"

Marik chuckled. "You are obsessed."

"I really am, though. But, seriously, can you picture it? All this would have been untouched by man. No city behind us, and a brighter blue sky above us. Clean air."

"The air's not clean? How can air be dirty?" This was a completely honest question from Marik. Merit gawked at him, dumbfounded by the sincerity in his voice.

"You really have been living under a rock, haven't you? You really don't know about the pollution in the air? Marik, what did they teach you when you were a Tombkeeper?"

"How to please the Ancient Kings and Gods. Not much else, really. I wish I could tell you exactly how long it took me just to learn basic math skills and Egyptian Arabic; we still spoke mostly the old language. I mean, of course we would, we didn't get much exposure to the outside world. It was forbidden." He was starting to find that he rather enjoyed talking to Merit about some of his past, a very limited bit of it. The stuff that could, in a sense, be educational. She was always so eager to learn more, and it was like she was desperate for his every word. It was kind of nice having someone care about your words so much. He didn't really experience that, and he decided that he liked that someone cared about what he had to say.

Merit was laying on her stomach now, head in her hands. "Gosh, that's so crazy. I can't imagine having to learn about our current culture after having lived an ancient tradition for so long. It must've felt like you were constantly spinning."

"It did, and it still does. Technology is another one of those things that really gets me. I can barely handle getting my music player to work. All these buttons and cords, it's so strange. This is a whole new world up here, you know."

She smiled. He really was just too interesting. It was like she was getting to talk to someone from out of her history books. It was practically a dream come true, actually. "We're friends, right, Marik?"

He was picking a scab on his leg, his mind kind of absent. "Yeah, why?"

"I was just wondering, is all." She stopped and thought for a moment, wondering if she should ask or not. "So, what are you hiding under that tank top, anyways? It must be pretty embarassing if you won't go without it in public."

He shrugged. "I guess you can see... someday. I dunno, haven't decided yet. I don't think I can trust you just yet."

"Well, damn, what the hell is it that I can't see it?"

"It's Ancient Egyptian Magic," he joked with monotone. She pushed him over into the hot sand, and he didn't care at all.

"Well, you two are cute." He jolted upright. He knew that voice.

"Rishid? I thought you had work?"

He stood there, looming over them, his button-up work shirt in his hands, shirtless with dress pants and nice shoes still adorned. He was something else that reminded Merit of a stud from an American romance novel, and she was gawking. Fortunately for her, no one noticed. "I did, but it got out early. Thought I'd stop by and check on you. Didn't know your little friend would be with you."

"Oh, yeah," he leaned out of the way of Rishid's view and pointed a little awkwardly, "this is Merit. You know, that girl Zu prolly told you about."

"Zu?"

"It's what I call my sister," Marik explained to Merit, who acted like it was the most ridiculous name she had ever heard.

"Aaw, that's cute, Marik!" she laughed.

Rishid took a seat next to the two. "So, what have you kids been up to?"

"I tried ice cream today. It's alright." It was a strange feeling he had suddenly. Out of body, out of mind. Like a fish out of water. It was fishy. How had he managed to get to this place? This place he had so been avoiding. There was happiness here, and that was bad, somehow. A bad story with a pretty cover.

Rishid and Merit continued to talk, and Marik watched as if he weren't really even there. He was deep in thought, their voices nearly muted as they continued their friendly introductions. This was all not going according to plan. He suddenly remembered why exactly he didn't want to make friends in the first place. He was a danger, a menace to normal society, to his loved ones. He was created in darkness and could only feel or cause grief. Marik would never be more than a baby of black horror and evil disease.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. He wasn't ready to deal with it at this moment. Later, he told himself.

"I'm gonna go hit some waves. See ya." Marik stood, absentmindedly grabbing his board and walking out to the water. Merit and Rishid didn't really have time to notice his strange behavior. All according to Marik's plan, of course.

That night, dinner was a lot more of a commotion. Rishid and Ishizu seemed to have a lot to talk about, a lot of questions for their little brother. He answered some of them, ignoring the others by running around the question. Ishizu swore up and down that Marik had feelings for Merit based on the "evidence" Rishid had given her, but her brother continued to deny any such claims. He didn't even know how he felt about ice cream, how was he supposed to understand "feelings" for people?

"I really think you should invite her over for dinner, baby brother. I want to meet her, it's not fair that I haven't got to yet. I still need to thank her for the compliment, you know." Ishizu nagged, waving her fork at him.

He rolled his eyes. "I am not inviting her over for dinner. That's absurd."

"Why not?"

"Because I said, that's why? I just don't want to bring her over here, okay? She doesn't need to know where we live. I still don't know if I can trust her."

"What makes you think you can't trust her?" Rishid chimed in. He had taken a liking to Merit and the spirit she brought out in Marik. It was about time someone could make that boy relax again. "She seems fine to me. Things are different up here, you know, Marik."

He was spitting out food as he talked. "It's not like I think she's a fucking monster, damn. I just don't know what her werid ass intentions are. Why us, why me, of all people to be so interested in? And she likes Egyptian history? And she has all these questions about where we're from? Don't be so naive, it's clear she's up to something."

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than us, kiddo." They smiled at him knowingly, like they saw right through him. He was in a panic. Marik had never truly trusted anyone outside his family circle, and when he started to think he might, he didn't know what to do with himself. He was a child in a grown up world.

* * *

**Author's Note**: You know, I always wondered what it must be like for Marik to get used to all the technology and stuff, ha ha! Thanks for reading!


	5. Jam Another Dragon Down a Hole

**5. Jam Another Dragon Down a Hole  
**_ (Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle)_

Marik wasn't sure why he had agreed to go to Merit's household, but he did find himself curious as to what a home of hers would look like. He imagined heiroglyphs painted on the walls down the halls and pedestals to show the unsurpassed beauty of an Ancient Egyptian artifact or jewelry of a long-deceased, high and mighty Pharaoh. Something dramatic and maybe even a little gaudy.

"I have to warn you," she started, dragging him by his wrist down the street, "we still haven't finished unpacking, so the house is kind of a mess. Mom will probably fuss about it if she isn't off to some business meeting or something. Dad's in the States, so you won't see him." Marik just nodded as they went. Soon, they reached a very modern looking household with tall, rectangular windows on the second floor. It was very geometric, not that Marik would really know since he never studied Geometry a day in his life. It definitely wasn't exactly what he was expecting so far, but he still kept to his assumptions.

Merit let him in the door first, reminding him to take his shoes off before he stepped another foot into the house. He looked around, gazing past all the boxes cluttering the entranceway. The house was like a blank page, really. The walls were white and bare, and there was only just enough furniture to be comfortable. There was a plant sitting in the middle of the room; it obviously hadn't been given a better place, yet. Some large paintings leaned on the wall, waiting to be hung and displayed to the would-be house guests. The house had very natural lighting, too. Marik wondered if they even needed electricity to keep the shadows out of their home.

"Mom?" Merit called, looking around, up and down the stairs to see if her mother was, indeed, home. No answer. She shrugged. "Guess she's at a meeting."

Merit plopped down on the couch, kicking aside some boxes so Marik wouldn't have to stumble over her family's belongings clumsily. He took a seat beside her, slouching over his knees. "You guys haven't been here long, have you?"

She shook her head. "Nope. We move a lot. I'm surprised Mom and Dad decided to buy a place, for once. We usually just rent apartments or hotels. I'm hoping that we're finally gonna settle down for a little bit. It starts to really suck-moving around all the time."

He wondered what that must be like; to never be in the same place for too long. To see the world, meet hundreds of people from all over the place, become a part of a different culture, and mostly, to leave behind everything and start someplace new. Marik wondered if it would really work...

"Do you play Duel Monsters?"

Marik was brought back from his train of thought. "Uh, yeah... doesn't everyone?"

Merit began digging through a box and pulled out a huge binder full of Duel Monsters cards. It was obvious she had been collecting, and some were in different languages Marik couldn't understand. He hadn't even heard of some of the trap cards she laid out before him. "You must be pretty good to collect so many cards."

She shook her head. "Eh, not really. I'm just a collector. I was never that good at playing, so I just hopped on the bandwagon by obtaining all the cards. It's the only way I can really be a part of the hype, you know?"

He smiled and nodded. "I guess so. Wanna duel?"

"I'm sure you'll win."

"So, let's see? You don't know how good I am." He was definitely setting her up for failure. Really, he just wanted to beat her, anyone, actually, at something.

She gave him a suspicous glance. "Alright, if you really want to. Nothing else to do, anyways." Merit began shuffling out the cards she hadn't played with in years. Marik picked them up and found some very familiar cards in his hands. They took him right back to Battle City again, back to Ra, his beloved God-card. Sometimes, he still dreamed of it. He might've even still had some of the fakes with him, which he would burn later on.

Merit gazed at him from behind her cards. "You okay? You're looking at the cards funny. Bad hand?"

He shuffled through them one more time. "No, not a bad hand at all. I have a question, though. Have you ever seen a God-card?"

"No, I've only ever heard of them. I would pay so much for them. Have you seen any?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I have. They weren't that special, actually."

"You're lying! How did you get the chance to see them? Did you duel someone who had them?"

Marik had to think for a moment, not quite sure how he was going to explain this one without letting out that he had hunted them, and desired to have them so badly that he was willing to forge them and royaly piss off the actual Egyptian Gods.

"There was a special on television, about that kid from Domino City, Japan? He had the God cards, and I caught it on t.v. Haven't seen anything in real-life, though." Even as he said it, he had this gut feeling that the truth would get back to her, and it really bothered him. Everything seemed to bother him, lately.

Despite them being the only company in the household, it definitely wasn't quiet. Merit was in a competitive rage at Marik, who wiped out all her strategies effortlessly. It was all too easy. She was skilled, though, he would have to give her that, but she definitely wasn't Battle City material or anything.

Even several moments after their little duel, Merit was still fuming. "I can't believe you did that to me. I thought we were friends, Marik! Friends don't do that to each other!" He just rolled his eyes at her complaints.

"You'll get over it. I'm hungry, what you got to eat in this place?"

Merit led him to the kitchen, and it was at this moment that Marik could finally tell just how tall Merit was, and she really wasn't that much shorter than him, if, in fact, at all. She must've towered over him with those stiletto's on. "What the hell do they feed you?"

She peeked her head out from behind the refridgerator. "What?"

"You're as tall as a man."

"Excuse me? Were all the Tombkeeper women a bunch of hobbits or something? There are plenty of girls way taller than me, you just haven't seen any, yet. Don't be such a jackass."

He let it go, staring off into the abyss of the bare kitchen. Ra caught his thoughts, consumed them. Marik had been so obsessed with that card and the powers that it had. He was obsessed with power, with being a King, or maybe a God. At that time, Marik knew if he could hold the actual Winged Dragon of Ra card in his hands, he would be a God among men-unstoppable. His plot for revenge had led him into a plot for absolute power so that he may never be held against his will again by any man. Instead, he was held by himself.

"You don't look so good. You keep getting that look on your face, that something's just scared the shit out of you." Merit set down some chips she had dug out of the cupboards between the two of them, staring at Marik with the most concern he had ever seen in them. It reminded him of his sister, and the way she almost always seemed to look at him.

Marik stretched, playing everything off nonchalantly. "I'm fine. I just get lost in thought and make faces like that, I guess. Zu yells at me all the time for it." He took some chips and crunched on them loudly.

Merit smiled, leaning on the counter. "You're really close with your family, aren't you?"

He thought as he spoke. "Well, yeah... I mean, they're all I've ever had. Can't picture life without them, really," he smiled, too, awkwardly. It was almost a little embarrassing, confessing to caring so much about Ishizu and Rishid. It was that manly pride that he had.

"That must be so nice-to have a brother and sister you can be so close with. I still have to meet Zu, ya know." It was strange to hear someone else refer to Ishizu that way. Marik hadn't heard anyone call her that except for himself. It was a little off-putting.

"Yeah, she's been nagging me about introducing you guys, too. Don't see why it matters so much." Merit frowned.

They continued their little "hang-out" session until it got dark. Merit's mother still hadn't come home yet, but Marik didn't really care to meet Merit's mom, anyways. He took off, blasting the music in his ears as he walked home. He drowned in that music. It was quite a walk, and he was alone. Memories were gonna come back and get him, grab his feet and drag him down into the lake of fire.

He turned his music up high. He was waiting for it, waiting for him to catch up. Waiting to be alone with that monster. Marik could swear he heard his voice, still, calling from deep within. He could feel him there, scratching at the back of his ribcage, desperate to get out and take control. String him up by his innerds and move his lips like a puppet with his claws. Wear his skin and play pretend. It was chilling, and he could feel the hairs on his body stand on end. And to think he used to embrace that demon.

Marik was practically running home now. He looked back every few seconds, sure that that horrid creature was following after him. He felt like a child again, running home, running to Ishizu, running to Rishid so that he could cry in their arms, knowing full well that even they couldn't stop him. Rishid was always a comfort, though. If Merit was right about anything, it was how Rishid made you feel like you were perfectly safe.

When he got home, he was breathing hard and nearly slammed the door shut, forcing that bastard outside.

* * *

**Author's Note: I don't think a story has ever come so naturally to me. Maybe this is a siiiign! Or not. Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome!**


	6. You Let Me Violate You Help Me, I

**6. You Let Me Violate You... Help Me, I Broke Apart My Insides  
**_(Closer to God - Nine Inch Nails)_

He felt the claws beneath his skin, slithering through his veins in his arms and his belly like a serpent capable of cruelty of biblical proportions. Marik felt as though he might split apart at the seams, bursting with blood and inner decay, revealing to all those before him what he was made of. It was still dark out, and this was the monster's domain, his throne of disgusting legacies and brutalities.

Marik watched him slither under his skin, up and down his body, violating him from the inside out. It was like having thousands of worms crawling around on the inside and no way to get them out. He was ready to hurl all over himself, afraid to move might his actions not be his own.

He hissed, lips practically against his ears. "I can give you whatever you want. You're weak. You're a leech, Marik. Just let me out again. We'll have everything..."

Warm tears trickled down his cheeks, familiar tears from his youth. He screamed, a blood-curdling scream that came from deep inside the pit of his stomach. He couldn't move, not if he wanted to get out alive. He was everywhere. He was everything. He was the very darkness itself.

The light flashed on, and Marik could see that he was all alone, dripping with sweat and a few tears. He looked up to see Ishizu in the doorway, an absolutely horrified look on her face. "Marik, what happens to you at night?"

Marik let a straggling sob escape his lips as he sat upright, bringing his knees to his chest as he stared at the foot of his bed. "What torments you so visciously, Marik?" Ishizu entered the room and sat at the edge of his bed, ready to take her brother in her arms and cradle him until he was calm again. He didn't move from his place, heart pounding against his chest and throat on fire.

"It's him, isn't it?" she could feel her heart sinking. Fucking hell, that bastard was back again to claim her brother's soul.

The shaggy-haired blonde continued to stare at the end of his bed, halfway to hell in the back of his mind. "I can't tell if he's real or not anymore. I can't tell if he's there, or if I'm just plain crazy. Crazier than I thought I was. Which one of us am I, Ishizu? I can't even remember what it was like without him. I am him, Ishizu! I am the monster!" She could hear the shrill in his voice, the panic that shivvered through his body and crawled up his back.

"No, you're not, Marik. You're not a monster. You might not remember," she grabbed his shoulders gently, "but I was there, too. I do remember, and you were never a monster before him, Marik. You were the sweetest little boy I ever knew, the sweetest little boy that may have ever existed. You just got sick, that's all. The monster was a disease that paralyzed you, and you got better. He's just a nightmare now, that's all, Marik." It was almost as though she were trying to convince herself that everything was okay more than her little brother.

Despite Ishizu's inner doubts, Marik felt comforted, his heartbeat calming and his eyes drooping from exhaustion. Marik didn't even remember what it was like to have a good night's sleep, if he ever had one at all, actually.

"Just get some sleep, alright, brother? Those bags under your eyes get darker and darker every day..." Ishizu stood from her place at his bedside, rubbing her brother's shoulder before she made her way to the door, flipping the switch and relunctantly leaving him in the darkness. He sat up for hours, despite Ishizu's plea.

The next day, Marik didn't leave the house. He ditched his plans with Merit, not even worrying about how she might feel. He kept himself closed in his room for most of the day, either blasting music in his ears or curling up in his bed, forcing himself to sleep the entire day away. It was like nothing else existed when he lived that way. Just him and the darkness of his bedroom.

When Rishid or Ishizu would try to give him company, they were quickly dismissed in monotone and disinterest. It wasn't that Marik didn't appreciate their love or concern, it was just that he wanted to be completely alone. He didn't want his loved ones to touch him. He didn't even want to be within reach. Marik was crawling in a hole deep inside himself, like a snake eating its own tail, and he was ready to remove himself from existence.

The whole day was gray.

On the next day, after Marik had shaken the nightmares out of his head, he went to the beach to dance with those waves that had become a part of him. He didn't tell Ishizu. He didn't tell Rishid. He didn't tell Merit. It was just his business. His and the ocean's. This was his solitude.

He paddled out into the deep and the dangerous. Marik made his way out to his paradise where he would stand on his pedestal. The wind slipped through his hair, and the smell of the water washed through him. He tasted the salt on his lips and felt the cool on his fingers. He rode the waves like they would take him to someplace different, another planet, perhaps. It was like charging into battle, determined to claim a new fronteir as your own. Marik shredded the waves until his legs were shaking and his stomach was nagging.

Marik dragged his board up the wet sand and collapsed to his knees, dry sand sticking to his wet skin. The sun was about to set; he hadn't realized just how late he was out, and it finally occured to him that his family must be worried sick. Or maybe they were glad to finally be rid of him? With that thought, he rolled his eyes at himself. Of course that wasn't true, he was just pitying himself.

He sat upright, gazing at the horizon. It looked as though the sun might set the water on fire, or that it already had. Marik then wondered where the sun goes when it gets dark out. It was really bothering him, actually.

"You're an asshole!"

He couldn't be completely sure, but Marik swore that was directed at him. He turned his body, leaning in the sand, and saw a very pissed off Merit, arms folded, glaring holes in his head from behind him. "What do you mean? I haven't done anything to you."

She scoffed. "It's so nice of you to just ditch me. I waited for you to show up for hours. I felt so stupid. What kind of friend are you, Marik Ishtar? You think it's just okay to make plans with people and then cancel without a call? I had something important to tell you, yesterday! You really fucked up." Merit didn't even give him time to respond. She marched off, kicking up sand, fists clenched and mumbling as she continued home, leaving Marik completely confused. Maybe they were no longer friends, and maybe it was better that way.

That night, dinner was quiet. Rishid was drained from a double shift he had taken up; the poor man had been away from home since late in the night the evening before. Ishizu had run errends all night, and not to mention was worried sick about her brothers the entire day, so she was obviously exhausted. Marik stared at his siblings, waiting to see if they'd scold him for leaving without telling where he'd be all day.

"So, how's Merit?" Ishizu asked, finishing off the rest of her meal.

Marik played with his food, not especially hungry. "I think she hates me now, but it's no big deal." He practically shrugged it all off, though he was still quite bothered by her reaction earlier that evening.

Ishizu looked at her brother with concern. "I don't think she hates you. I think she's just frustrated with you. She came by here today... looking for you."

He looked up, still leaning his head in his hands. "She did? What for?"

Rishid was half asleep at the other end of the table, about to start snoring.

"She wanted to know why you didn't come to see her yesterday. I tried to tell her that you probably forgot, or that you probably weren't feeling well, but she was too upset and I couldn't really explain anything to her. All's I got out of it is that she and her family are leaving, and she has no idea for how long. She was going to tell you yesterday, because you're her best friend, and she wanted to get a way to contact you so you guys could stay friends. But since she couldn't find you at all, she wasn't able to. I think you've broken that girl's heart, little brother."

Marik sat there, lost entirely to this news his sister had given him. It all came from out of nowhere, and to break hearts was never his intention yesterday. Not entirely. He was full of confusion and resentment. He was almost angry with Merit for not understanding.

The Ishtar sister cleaned the table, led Rishid to his bed which would be a much more proper place to rest than the dining room table, and Marik stayed where he had been when she gave him the news. His new routine that he'd grown so accustomed to had yet again been destroyed. Now what was he going to do with his days? What was he going to do now that he would be forced to be alone?

In the dark of his bedroom, he heard the serpent hiss. He held Marik down to the mattress, breathing in his ear. "It's better this way, Marik. She was getting in the way of what we want, I had to get rid of her."

And Marik ran to the bathroom and hurled up what was left of dinner.

* * *

**Author's Note: Alright, I had to get rid of Merit so that I could force myself to focus more on the Ishtar siblings' relationships and their problems. Plus, the story was starting to turn into Marik-makes-friends-hour and that's just not the direction I wanted the story to go in. So yeah, she'll be gone for a little bit. Thanks for reading!  
**


	7. And So They Say, Lord, For Everything

**7. And So They Say, Lord, For Everything A Reason  
**_(For Everything a Reason - Carina Round)_

Marik now had a better understanding of loneliness. It was a concept that was harder for him to grasp before he made friends, but now it was clear as crystal. This sucked, really. Not that it was so horrible, but he was now forced to spend his days with Ishizu if he didn't wish to be alone. But maybe that would be good for them. It had been a while since the Ishtar siblings had spent any decent time together.

Ishizu carted Marik around to do errands with her. He ended up meeting the librarian Ishizu had made acquaintances with and she gave him a free library card. She really liked him; Ishizu said for his good looks. Marik saw the bustle of the market and he experienced the banality of day-to-day living routines.

"I feel bad for you, sis. Your daily routine sucks."

She laughed. "Maybe to you, but I enjoy it, for the most part. It's normal. I like normal."

He smiled at his elder sister. "Yeah, normal must be pretty nice. I'm still not there, yet."

Ishizu placed several bags in Marik's hands for him to help her carry. "I don't know about that. I think you're getting really close. You have a friend that really cares about you."

"Zu, I honestly don't think we're friends anymore. Pretty sure she never wants to talk to me again. She kindly explained to me that I 'really fucked up.'" They started loading up the car that was already full from all the previous stops around town. Ishizu must've been a witch of some kind, because she still managed to get everything to fit into the vehicle nicely.

"I think you're reading too much into it. Or maybe too little. You can't necessarily take what a girl says at face value. She's just mad at you because of the situation. I'm sure she misses you a whole lot, especially if you're the only friend she has."

"I guess." Marik was done with that subject now. "So, is this all you do? I still stand by my statement; your life sucks."

Ishizu smacked his shoulder. "You're a pest, Rikky. Get in the car and we'll go home. Besides, I have a bunch of books I have to read now thanks to that woman at the library. And now I'm probably gonna get an earful from her everyday about how she wants to see you again. I never should have brought you with me." Marik laughed. His sister could be just as ridiculous as he was sometimes. It was clear they were related.

Marik found himself staring out the window, practically hanging out of it, actually, on the way home. He was drained. "Marik, get back in the car. You're gonna get hurt."

"So."

His sister rolled her eyes. "You're a brat."

"I'm a lot of things, sis."

"So I've noticed." She smiled a bit. Her brother really was a character.

Marik put on his sunglasses, glaring at the world around him from behind them. He almost hated this place. Almost. In the back of his mind, he knew all too well that he only hated his inability to be a part of it.

"You need to stop thinking so seriously, Marik." He turned his head towards his sister. "Get out of the past, okay? Nothing will get better until you do."

He stared at his knees. "I can't get out of the past, Zu. I'm trying, but it pulls me back kicking and screaming. It just won't let me go."

She shook her head, turning into the driveway. "Oh, brother, if only you knew. Your reality is what you create."

They stepped out of the vehicle and began unloading the groceries. "What are you saying?"

Ishizu struggled to carry as much in her arms as possible, refusing to make more than one trip. "I'm saying you're scared to get out of the past. You've gotten yourself comfortable with it. You're afraid to be happy because you don't know how to be, you don't remember. And it's understandable that you're having difficulty with the change-"

Marik scoffed. "Why would I be comfortable with being sad, Ishizu? Really?" He dropped the bags in his hands and walked in the house, sick to his stomach at his sister's words.

"Marik!" she cried, but he was long gone. Now she would have to make two trips for sure.

He marched to his bedroom, sitting up on his bed, high tops still on his feet. The young man was too angry to care if his sheets got covered in dirt and who knows what else. What Ishizu said continued to play over and over in his head, and he started fuming. What kind of fucked up bullshit what she trying to say to him? What the actual fuck? He listened to her carry in the groceries, glaring in her direction. Sister always knew best, he thought with a malicious sarcasm. _Always trying to play mom. It's pathetic how much you don't understand. _

The room was starting to get dark as the sun set outside. He stared at the lines of light on the wall made by the blinds in the window. It made his room like a cell, a prison where he would wallow in his own darkness. Marik was trapped with his thoughts, and he found himself thinking about Merit. He wondered how long she would be gone, or if he would ever see her again at all, actually. At least she didn't say such ignorant things to him. At least she didn't constantly remind him of why he resented himself.

As the night passed, he continued to ignore Rishid and Ishizu's calls. He skipped out on dinner, despite how much his stomach pleaded with him to eat something. He just didn't feel like it, and he really didn't want to be stuck at the table with either of his siblings at the moment. Rishid wouldn't have been so bad, but he just couldn't stand to look at his sister right now.

Marik barely slept that night, either. He was afriad to sleep. He knew that monster-Marik was somewhere in that room, squatting in one of the dark corners where the light just couldn't reach. And when he did sleep, he was tortured by the same nightmares that had continued to haunt him night after night. Marik was trapped in the dark.

By the time Marik had finally just about fallen asleep, the sun was coming up, leaving an orange hue to everything in his room, and Rishid had bursted through the bedroom door, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him out of bed. "Come on, we're spending time together today."

"What the hell, man?" he rubbed his eyes and the spot on his arm that felt like it had been bruised by the force of Rishid pulling him like a ragdoll.

"I'm not gonna just let you throw your tantrums anymore. I'm done with your whiny bullshit and I'm done enabling it. Get dressed or I'll dress you myself. You're not gonna sit in this room all day again."

Marik started glaring holes in his head. "You can't make me do anything, I'm not a child, and by far, not yours!"

"Radammit, Marik!" Rishid grabbed Marik's other arm and started forcing him around the room, grabbing articles of clothing as he stepped around the room. "I'll take you kicking and screaming if I have to. You know why?"

"Why?" Marik responded, shouting back at him.

"Because that's what family does. Now stop being a little shit and get in the damned car!" He threw his baby brother down the hallway towards the garage. Marik could barely stop himself from moving by Rishid's force. Now that Rishid had left him alone for a second, he had time to realize that he was a little shaken up, and now both his arms were in intense pain. He always knew Rishid was strong, but fuck, this really hurt.

Just as Rishid had ordered, Marik got in the car, mumbling angrily to himself as he waited for Rishid to get in the driver's seat and cart him off to who knows where to do who knows what.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I know it's been a while since I updated this story last. I have up to the eleventh chapter done, I just haven't had the time to be posting them. I think I'll post the eighth chapter here in a moment. Thanks for reading!


	8. Guess I'm in Love With Always Feelin' Do

**8. Guess I'm in Love With Always Feelin' Down  
**_ (This Head I Hold - Electric Guest)_

"Where are we going?" Marik's head was up against the window as he glared out of it, banging on the glass as the vehicle would bounce through pot holes and over rocks. He could barely keep his eyes open, sleep tempting him so vigorously.

"You'll see when we get there." Rishid had refused to tell Marik anything, and continued to be stern with him. His newfound unwavering nature was causing Marik a lot of problems today.

The boys hadn't spoken much as Rishid drove them off to some place Marik had never been to before. They were way out of town and surrounded by water. He had a feeling they were going to be on the beach all day, probably surfing. If the water hadn't tipped him off, it was definitely the surf boards in the back of the car. For the remainder of the car ride, Marik contemplated whether he should be stubborn and refuse to step out of the car once they arrived.

Eventually, they came to a beach entrance that seemed to be abandoned. It was far more secluded than where they usually hung out during the day or on the weekends, and Marik started to wonder how Rishid had come across this place.

The air was so crisp and refreshing here, and for the first time, he thought he understood what Merit was talking about when she said the air could be dirty. He looked around and saw how crystal clear the water was, and as he ran out towards the shore, he could see fish swimming undisturbed. Was Rishid the only one who knew about this place?

"Grab your board. We're going out until you can barely see the shore."

Marik felt his heart stop for a moment. They never went out quite that far, and he knew there was a reason. It wasn't that he was scared, just that he knew he was probably going to end up extremely sore by the end of the night as a result of whatever it was Rishid had in store for him.

He did as his brother asked of him and they raced out into the water, the previously undisturbed fish swimming away from their stomping feet as quickly as they could. They paddled out to deeper and deeper water, nearly choking on the water that splashed up in their face as the waves became more and more violent.

A little nervous, he turned his head to be the sure the shore was still behind them. It was, but just barely.

"Keep going, Marik. We're going out farther."

_He's going to kill me out here._ Marik thought. No wonder he had brought them somewhere so barren. It was the perfect place to ditch a body.

The boys stood upright on their surf boards and claimed the waves. They violently fought them, pulling them down into the depths, choking them. However, it took more than that to break Marik's surfing spirit, and he hopped back on top of his board and reclaimed the waves who continued to fight him. They pulled him down until his legs were shaking. He tasted salt on his tongue and felt his eyes burning.

The sun was getting higher and higher in the clear sky, and Marik knew they had to of been out to sea for several hours. He was ready to surrender to the ocean and make his way back to shore, but Rishid grabbed his wrist and forced him back on his board. Now he knew what exactly was going on here. He was being punished in the most spirit breaking yet non-traumatizing way possible.

"Rishid, I'm-I'm sorry! But I can't breathe anymore!" Marik pleaded, grasping onto his board for dear life with shaky arms. He wasn't sure he would make it through another wave.

"Alright, fine! Let's go!" Rishid was content by now, especially considering he was getting torn apart almost just as badly as Marik had been and he was just as ready for a break. They paddled back to shore slowly, the boys' legs weak, and their empty stomachs were doing absolutely nothing to help their situation.

On the shore, they collapsed, breathing hard with limbs shaking. Marik thought he might cry he felt so destroyed. How could the waves he so loved be so cruel to him. Then again, that was what he loved so much about them.

"You... are such... a little shit." Rishid gasped, staring at the clear sky, watching as a far off plane flew by overhead.

"So I've been told," the boy replied, still catching his breath as well. Rishid sat upright and stared at his little brother.

"What's up with you and your temper tantrums, kid? They sure are consuming and they might even be a little contagious. I haven't been angry like that since... well, ever. Guess I love ya more than I thought, huh?" He smiled a little awkwardly. It had been a while since the two of them had ever had such a conversation. Rishid was afraid he might've forgotten how to talk to him, maybe even how to relate to him. Since his new job with his kookie coworkers, he had really blossomed into his own personality. He wasn't quite the same anymore, and he didn't know how to make that work with Marik, who, even after all this time, hadn't changed. He was still that little boy trapped in the darkest part of the tombs.

Marik leaned over his knees and felt his skin grow bumps from the chill of the air. "I must get them from Father. I think... I think I'm a lot more like him than I really want to admit..."

Rishid smiled. "Nah. But hey, even if that is true, your sister can get pretty hot-headed, too, in the right situation. So it's not like you're the only one that inherited the problem."

They were silent for a moment.

"You know, as much as you don't want to admit it, there was truth in what your sister said."

Marik turned his head to glare at Rishid, though his eyes held a look of confusion that intertwined with blossoming rage.

"Not that you like it, necessarily. Just that you're comfortable with it. You're scared to really change because it's new land for you... But, actually, it's not, now that I think about it. You used to be a giddy little brat when you were a kid, before... you know. I don't think a moment went where you weren't smiling from ear-to-ear. You were a real happy kid, Marik. And you were optimistic and full of energy, and a joy for everyone to be around. It isn't new territory, you just gotta figure out how to get back there, that's all. You need to get comfortable with that again."

"I... I don't know how to. I don't deserve to."

Marik pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead, staring at the blindingly bright sand at his feet.

"Well, there's one of the big roots to your problem. You need to stop with this 'what you deserve' thing and realize that it's just time to get better. You are allowed to be happy again."

With every word Rishid said, he felt himself jumping on the defensive. "You know, maybe Ishizu was right. Maybe I love being depressed and maybe I love to loathe myself. It's all good sport, right?"

Rishid shook his head. "No. You're just a sick person trying to get better, that's all. Now get up, it's getting late and I told Ishizu I'd have you back in one piece in time for a late lunch." He grabbed Marik's arm, much more gently than this morning, and helped the boy to his feet, grabbing both of their boards so Marik could rest his poor muscles.

The elder Ishtar man drove them back home, their bellies bellowing. Marik begged Rishid to let them stop by a Mcdonald's on the way home, but to no avail. Ishizu would be, afterall, preparing lunch for them about now, and it would be extremely rude to fill themselves up before coming home. Marik had had enough of being rude.

* * *

**Author's Note: **And here's Chapter 8! Not much to say about this one. Thanks for reading!


	9. My Scar Has Left Me To Take the Bitter

**9. My Scar Has Left Me to Take the Bitter Pill  
**_(To Binge - Gorillaz ft. Little Dragon)_**  
**

"I'm glad you're in a better mood today, Marik. I have news for you!" Ishizu sounded far too excited for Marik's liking. Whatever excited her usually meant he would have to do or experience something he wasn't very comfortable with.

"Someone actually gave me an interview?" He grimaced, nearly praying he was wrong. As much as he wanted to help provide for their odd family, he secretly never wanted to get a job.

Ishizu placed her brothers' plates before them at the table as she continued to chatter on about the great news. "Yeah! That older woman at the flower shop, she said she could really use you. You were the only one who showed up for an interview for the poor woman, which seems surprising. And it is a little strange that she took so long to get back, but who cares, right?" She finished and sat at her place at the table, digging in to her lunch immediately.

"Well, congratulations, little brother," Rishid chimed in, "Now you're a real man, as they say."

Marik started to slouch in his chair and pout. "Yaaaay."

After lunch, Ishizu washed the dishes as per the usual. Marik sat at the barstool as he did every so often and listened to her talk on and on. And soon, as he knew it would, a familiar look of concern showed itself on her elegant face.

"Rishid didn't rough you up too much, did he?"

The blonde Ishtar smiled knowingly. "Nah, but I deserved everything I got anyways. It wasn't too horrible a punishment, if one at all, actually. I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass, sis. You should've just smothered me when I was a baby while you had the chance. Would've done you a lot of good."

She glared back at him. "That's not funny, Marik. I've almost lost you too many times now to joke about it." She finished up the dishes and leaned against the other side of the counter to continue her conversation with her baby brother. "You are gonna go back to the flower shop for an interview, right?"

Marik sighed. "I suppose so. It's not like I have anything else to do or any friends to hang out with. Besides, I can't keep running from work forever, can I?"

"I suppose not." Ishizu smiled, ruffling Marik's hair lovingly. "You really are starting to grow up, Marik. You're doing good, and I'm proud of you."

He was a little embarrassed now. Rishid and Ishizu always knew exactly how to get him all flustered up and feeling awkward. He shoved his fists in his sweater pockets, looking everywhere but at his sister. "I'm not doing that great, sis. I basically just got out of trouble. I wouldn't say I've grown up much at all."

"Nonsense. You're doing fine. I love you, baby brother. Keep your chin up." Ishizu ruffled his hair one last time and headed into the living area to read one of the many books that librarian had carted her off with.

The boy sighed, sitting ever still in his seat, hands still in his pockets, staring at the floor beneath his feet. Everything seemed to speed up around him, and he remained still.

The interview went well, and he was given the job the very same day. He mostly just helped the elderly woman lift the heavier things around the shop or reach the things she just couldn't. Some days he was a maintenence man and others he just watered flowers. It was a dull job, but it was good for him. Nice and slow and quiet. And the shop was beautiful right around sunset, so at least the place was cozy. It was a nice surprise for Marik, who thought he would regret ever applying at all.

When things were slow around the shop, which, as stated before, they almost always were, Marik found himself staring at the artwork on the vases. It reminded him of Merit and how much quieter his days were now that she was gone. He wondered what she would think of his new job at the flower shop. Marik did a lot of wondering lately. He wondered about Merit and where she was. He wondered about his sister and his brother. He wondered if he would ever truly be happy again. He wondered if he would ever stop wondering.

Life in general was slow. It was slow and routine as it always had been before.

"You would look absolutely adorable with a smile on your face."

Marik turned his head away from the floor where he had been sweeping to see the old lady staring at him. "What?"

She watered the flowers around her with a smile that was telling of how wise she was to his personality. "You need to stop with that frowning-You're scaring away all my customers with that depressed look. They all probably think I'm a slave driver. Why so melancholy, Marik?"

He chuckled a bit. What was it with people and their asking about his problems? It was almost irritating. Almost.

"I dunno. Shit childhood."

"Couldn't have been that bad. And don't use that kind of language in this store, I'll deduct your pay."

He shrugged. "It just isn't something I really wanna talk about, okay? I'm done sweeping, do you need me to do anything else?" She shook her head and let him be on his way.

The sun was now absent in the sky, but it shined faintly on the horizon and the sky almost looked an aquamarine color. The breeze was warm and blew through his shaggy hair. About this time of day, Marik always got a bit of a hopeless feeling. A lonely feeling, especially when he would watch the stars peek out in the sky one by one. Even though there were many, they were always so far apart and looked so lonesome, and he knew exactly what that felt like.

His back itched, and he wondered if his scar had risen to prod at him as he walked home. It was all nonsense, but sometimes the timing was just too perfect. His brows furrowed over his eyes, and he meant it for those marks. And now Marik wondered if he could shed his skin like a reptile if he tried hard enough.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Not much to say about this chapter. There is a decision that I've made concerning Marik's character that may or may not be something the reader's enjoy later on in Chapter 11, so if you're still following the story, prepare yourself for a character change. Thanks for reading!


	10. I Don't Get You I Can't Forget What You

**10. I Don't Get You. I Can't Forget What You'd Forgotten All Along.  
**_(Don't Cry Out - Shiny Toy Guns)_

Ishizu hadn't seen him like this since he was a child, since before the initiation he was forced to go through with. She could barely understand the words coming out of his mouth, and she was almost afraid he might drown in all those tears he was shedding. He shook like a leaf and his eyes were bloodshot. Marik screamed deep, gutteral screams into her shoulders and clung to her.

"I don't wanna do this anymore! I can't do this anymore!" he sobbed, coughing here and there, driving himself ill.

She held him tightly, rubbing his back and fighting back tears of her own. "Shh, now. It's okay, Marik, it's okay. Everything's gonna be alright, you'll see. Things are gonna get better, I promise, baby brother. I promise, okay?" she started to cry. She just couldn't handle seeing him break down like this. Ishizu just wanted her Marik back. She wanted that smiling, optimistic, family-loving little boy back.

"Everyday is exactly the same, Ishizu. It's all the fucking same and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm gonna collapse and crumble. Like I'm empty and I'm supported by some fucking twisted miracle. And I fucking hate myself and I feel sick in this skin! I just want to rip it off!" His throat was growing hoarse and his breathing was now complete sobs. Marik's head was pounding from all the crying, but this felt good, somehow. He looked to his sister whose eyes were now just as bloodshot as his own from the sorrow seeping out of them. "Please, just let me go. Let me go so I don't have to feel so bad about leaving."

She shook her head. "No! I will never let you go! You're my brother and you and Rishid are all I've got and I love you!" Ishizu wiped away the tears and attempted to compose herself. "I'll never let you die, especially not by your own hands. We have to stick together, okay? Promise me we'll stick together! Promise me, Marik!"

And he cried again, coughing and hacking halfway through. He cried into her shoulders and continued to cling to her for dear life. He cried until he couldn't hold his eyes open anymore.

And everyday really was the same. It was quiet and boring and lonely. Often times he almost fell asleep in the shop when the old lady didn't have any work for him to do. He felt like a fish out of water; unable to breathe and panicking on the inside while people watched without a care.

The shop bells rang but he didn't turn his head. The familiar clicking of heels followed not far behind, and they seemed to skip merrily. Nearly in a panic, the elderly woman of the shop raced out from the back room and ran to the customer's aid, and Marik shook his head tiredly. It just wasn't worth all the hustle.

"... Marik?" That voice was so painfully familiar now, and he was just waiting for an attack of words. Questions, demands, blabbering-anything. He turned his head and saw exactly who he expected.

"Hey." He didn't look at her when he answered. He knew he was in trouble still, and he was even a little embarrassed to have been caught at work. A boy working in a flower shop wasn't exactly something he was terribly proud of. The poor old woman was left completely in the dark and was afraid she may have lost her dear customer to his background.

Merit folded her arms, grimacing at him. "I was really lonely in the States. I wanted to get your phone number so we might stay in touch, but you ditched me. I really could've used your friendship the past couple of weeks, Marik..."

His head dropped. People were really good at making him feel guilty. Or maybe that was just his personality. "I'm sorry, Merit. It really wasn't anything personal, I swear. And if it means anything anymore, I really could've used your friendship, too."

She glanced at him several times in her pouting, fighting with herself on whether or not she should forgive him. Of course she would, but she hated that he won her forgiveness so easily. She would have to play it off a little bit to make him suffer or something. "Well... that doesn't quite make up for it," she lied, "so you'll just have to work a little harder." By now, this had become more of a test to see if he really did mean what he said.

Marik almost laughed. "What do you want me to do?"

"Mmm," she thought, "take me to dinner."

How uncomfortable. "Where?" he sighed, not excited in the least bit.

"Your house. And Ishizu and Rishid have to be there, too. I want to meet them and I want to see what your house looks like."

He raised a brow. "You've already met both of them based on what my sister said, and you've been to my house, too."

"I didn't get a proper tour! And it was only for a short time that I got to see your sister! Do you want to be my friend still, or not?" She was getting a little abrasive now, which meant he had better say yes or else.

The elderly woman smiled a bit. "Well, isn't that cute. You've got yourself a date. And to think you're always moping about, I didn't think a girl would ever go for you with such a depressing personality."

They both rolled their eyes. "It's not a date. She's just weird." The woman gave him a knowing look, and he knew he wouldn't be able to fight her on the issue no matter how true his excuses may have been.

Merit waited for Marik to get out of work. He had only had about an hour left, and she didn't mind sitting around the shop. She had been planning on shopping there, anyways, and the little rendezvous with Marik was completely on accident, though convenient. Merit and the old lady chattered together, making fun of Marik here and there. It was as cute as it could be, and as obnoxious as possible for the poor boy.

"I'm so excited for dinner at your place, tonight!" Merit skipped along beside him like she always used to as they headed towards the Ishtar home. It was as if she had never left or had conflict with him at all.

Marik sighed, grimacing at the night ahead. It seemed just as he was getting used to one routine, change instantly came about and made him start all over. It was getting tiring, especially with his special psyche. And, not that he didn't like Merit, because he very much did, but because of her incessant ramblings, he felt a headache coming on, so he shoved his headphones on and listened to something a little more calm and soothing. Merit, of course, was extremely offended and began yelling to high heaven, but Marik just smiled and let the music drown out her ridiculousness.

Eventually, the pissed teenage girl ripped the phones from his ears, scraping the tips of them and nearly causing them to bleed. They entered the household arguing like children, and to Ishizu, it was almost a heartwarming sound. Not because Marik and Merit were yelling, but because the quietness in their empty home had been snuffed out by it and filled up the rooms with the sound of company. Company was not something her home had ever experienced, and deep down, she was giddy as a schoolgirl.

Ishizu came running to the front door to great the teenagers. "Merit? I didn't expect to see you ever again!"

"Yeah, I never expected to really be back, actually. But with enough convincing, I talked Mom and Dad into letting us come back home early. The States was wretched on me, honestly." Almost instantly, the girls took to talking non-stop much to Marik's relief. He crashed on the white couch nearest the door and fell right to sleep. He had been so exhausted, lately. Like he just couldn't keep up with the hours in the days as they came.

The couch seemed to be floating in a dark, abysmal void. A place that had been on the other side of the universe, where the stars couldn't reach. He felt like he were out at sea and the couch began to spin around and around so smoothly. It was something Marik thought he might have been enjoying, but something just felt so terribly wrong. How did he get here?

And then a purple smoke protruded from his mouth. He was choking on it as it squirmed from deep within his belly. This smoke wasn't just a gas, but it was a physical being that was wretching its way out of Marik's very insides. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes as his gag reflex continued to fight the purple beast.

Marik watched as the monster began to form in front of his eyes. He was a ghostly white with a razor jaw, malicious eyes and bloodied claws, and Marik saw himself looking back at him. He was still choking on this demonic reflection of his soul, still suffocating as it held onto him tightly. He just wanted the demon to let go, let him be something worthwhile, but the beast showed no signs of retreat.

"Marik, dinner's ready!"

His eyes shot open but he didn't dare move. He stared at Merit wide eyed, who was creeped out by his reaction to being woken up. Marik looked calm on the outside, but his insides were trembling and his skin was so cold.


	11. I Can't Wash You Off My Skin

**11. I Can't Wash You Off My Skin... To Make It Beautiful To Live**

_(Go With the Flow - Queens of the Stoneage)_

He watched as they chatted back and forth, his mind in a whole other place at the moment. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves, and if he were paying attention, he would've envied them. But inside he was distracted by a blackness, a baby with tarred skin and yellow eyes like a serpent. It hissed and gurgled, and even trembled. Marik felt it sleeping inside him, felt it incubating in all his darkness like a womb. And then he caught Merit staring. And then he caught Rishid and Ishizu staring. And then he realized he was the center of attention.

"It's getting late... shouldn't you get back home?" he looked to Merit, removing the attention from himself.

She looked rather awkwardly to Ishizu and Rishid. "Uh... yeah, probably. Mom and Dad'll be throwing fits by now, anyways. Thanks for saying something." Merit stood and said her good-bye's, heading out the door, her eyes still as full of concern towards Marik as they had been at the table.

But Rishid and Ishizu wouldn't be leaving. Instead, Marik had to excuse himself.

He headed into the bathroom and stared at his reflection. It was putrid in his eyes; evil. He felt himself getting sick just looking at himself, and that's when he decided to do it.

Marik rummaged through all the drawers before he found a pair of scissors, and with a deep breath, he started chopping his hair off. Inches of hair were falling from his head, and it was all uneven and choppy. Long strands flew about here and there and on his right side, much of his hair was still nearly chin-length. It was the messiest and most bizarre look he could imagine and the most different from who he used to be. He stared at the piles of hair at his feet. This had to be the closest thing to shedding skin Marik could think of.


	12. A Shame You Seemed An Honest Man

**12. A Shame You Seemed an Honest Man  
**_(Duvet - BoA)_

He almost instantly regretted this decision. If Marik would've realized this new haircut would make people so obnoxious, he wouldn't have really done it in the first place. But, maybe that was a lie. Either way, this was horribly annoying.

"It looks so ridiculous, Marik! I mean, you wear ridiculous well, but still. It's just odd. I miss your long hair, it was so pretty!" Merit whined, blabbering on and on as usual.

"Good thing I wasn't doing it for you, then, huh?"

"I guess so..."

And Merit wasn't even the worst of the complaints, either. Ishizu and Rishid had a good go at him for it. Marik wasn't sure if Zu would ever stop her bitching. Again, it was like she was stuck in the 'mother' role. Oh, the struggles of giving oneself a bad haircut.

But, if there was anything worth being content about, it was the weather. The breeze was warm, but not too warm. It was that just-right in-between temperature that was so refreshing. It was a breath of fresh air. And the sky was crystal clear. There wasn't a cloud anywhere in sight.

When they finally reached the beach, Marik stopped and let the white sand burn his feet. It was one of his favorite sensations. With all that weight off his head, Marik actually felt a little bouncy. It must not have been so bad; the bitching. He hadn't ever felt something quite like this before, this lightness he was feeling about his head. It had been a whole night, and still, he couldn't get over the feeling it gave him.

Merit was smiling at him. "You look a little less down."

He shrugged. "I guess. I just feel a little weird around the ears, heh."

She laughed. "Haircuts will do that to you."

It really was nice to have his friend back home. Even if she wasn't the most interesting of people, or the quietest or even the most beautiful. Even if she was a little obnoxious and even a little cowardly and whiney. Merit was a good friend to have; she was always someone to help keep the bad thoughts out of your head, and she was loyal. Though Marik wondered just how loyal she would remain once she learned what kind of a monster he really was.

He thought about how he gave her the glimmer of a promise that he'd let her see the markings on his back, and he thought about how awful a friend he had been to her during his lone pity-party. She was trustworthy, and it wasn't like she could do anything with the marks anyways. Marik didn't know why he was so adamant on keeping his back covered since Battle City, anyways. Maybe he was hiding from the world and its judging eyes.

"Hey, Merit."

She looked at him, having been distracted by the crashing waves on the shore. "Hm?"

Marik smiled a little awkwardly. Usually, this gesture was one he performed filled with rage, but here it was different. It was kindness, and it made the whole thing very strange to him. The actions were the same, but the intentions were different. This was vulnerablity, and it was strange. "Did you still wanna see?"

It was as if she were frozen in time for a second or two. She could barely register what he was talking about at first. "You mean, what you have under your shirt? Of course I still wanna see! What is it?"

He turned around, leaving Merit a little confused. She had suspected that whatever it was he was hiding was on his abdomen. A hideous scar or something. Taking a breath, he ripped his black wife beater off his back and revealed to her the scar, the tattoo on his back that had haunted him every night. He smirked, still awkwardly. "Pretty cool, right?"

Merit stood on her feet and came closer to him, not sure if she should touch it or not. "Yeah, this is beautiful! ... And so intricate."

She grew quiet, and Marik wondered what was wrong. He felt arms come up around him and hold him gently around the waist.

"You okay?" This might not have been that great of an idea afterall.

"I'm sorry." She held him even more tightly, and Marik could feel himself growing embarassed. People could see them. But this wasn't like Merit. Why wasn't she jumping up and down and beating information out of him about it. Or maybe she already knew.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I feel it just from looking at it. Obviously not the same pain you felt, but it touches me. How old were you?"

Marik thought for a moment, struggling with such intimacy. "I was eight. How do you know what this is?"

"When I was in the States, I didn't have a whole lot else to do, so I looked up stuff on the Tomb Keepers, 'cause I missed you and stuff and I didn't have any friends to talk to there. I found some stuff on initiations and I kept telling myself something so bad couldn't have happened to you. I don't know why I wasn't smart enough to put two and two together. I should have understood from that moment why you didn't want to be seen without a shirt in public." She was quiet for a moment. "It's not the same as getting a tattoo these days. It's scarred and the skin is bumpy. People would judge you."

He chuckled. "What other people thought of that bit of it I wasn't really worried about. I just... I dunno, I'm weird about it. It's a symbol of something that destroyed me. I'm not self-conscious, I just don't want people asking about it, and I don't want it to see the light of day. It belongs in the dark where it was born."

It grew silent between them, and Merit still hadn't let go. Marik stood there, waiting for her to grow tired or bored or whatever it would take for her to be distracted with something else. As stated earlier, Marik was not very good at handling something so intimate. He had a hard time dealing with anyone touching him oncesoever.

She finally stepped back and he turned to face her. "Thanks for showing me. It means a lot, knowing that you've let me in that much. You really are like a lost treasure, Marik Ishtar."

"You think too highly of me, and it's weird. Stop, please."

Merit laughed. "Whatever, Rikky." She fell back down into the hot sand and soaked up the sunlight.

Marik sat beside her, gazing at the water up ahead. For the first time, he finally wondered just why Merit had such a fear of water.

"So what about you?"

She turned to look at him. "What do you mean? What about me?"

He smiled softly. "We talk an awful lot about my past, what bothers me, stuff like that. But we never get to talking about you. What happened to you? Why are you so scared of water?"

Merit sighed. She was going to sound so horribly stupid explaining this to him after everything he's been through. "When I was little, before my parents traveled too much to keep in contact with the rest of our family, I was swimming in a pool and my older cousins pushed me under and wouldn't let me up. They weren't trying to kill me, but they almost did. The doctor's say it's a wonder I don't have brain damage from as much oxygen as I lost."

"Well, fuck, no wonder. So you haven't liked deep water ever since, have ya?"

"Nope, not really. I prefer shallow water."

Marik sat and thought for a moment. "Are you _sure_ you didn't get _any_ brain damage from it?"

Merit shoved him over. "No, jerk-face!"

They sat in silence for a moment. It wasn't awkward, just quiet. Marik felt the wind tickle the long strands of hair he had left on his shoulders and he shivered.

"So, you probably wouldn't ever take up surfing would you?"

She shook her head.

"You wouldn't even share a surf board with someone while they rode?"

Merit thought and then shook her head again. He chuckled.

"Oh, come on. You're missing out."

She shrugged. "Oh, well. I'm fine with that."

The evening was so tranquil just outside her window. Merit sat on her belly on her bed and gazed at the sky, still channel surfing. There seemed to be nothing on, so she retired to her computer and browsed the internet.

"What to do, what to do," she thought out loud. She thought about hers and Marik's duel they had a few weeks ago. _What if I should work on my skills and challenge him to a re-duel? _she laughed and began typing away, looking up information on cards.

A tiny thought brought back how they spoke of God Cards, and she remembered how Marik said he saw that they were used in the Battle City tournament run by KaibaCorp Inc. in Domino City, Japan. Merit hadn't ever actually seen the tournament, only heard hear-say about it, and now she thought she would research. Maybe she could use it to hold a conversation with Marik later.

_Battle City God Cards Duel Monsters_

A long list of links appeared on her searchbar. Many of them were nearly completely related to Yugi Mutou or Seto Kaiba, CEO of KaibaCorp. There were a few other competetors that were listed here and there, but then a couple of names really caught her eye.

_Marik and Ishizu Ishtar_

Her interest was totally piqued now. It must've been a coincidence, but there was no way she was going to go without finding out for absolutely sure!

_Ishtar Demon Destroys Defense_

The link swept her off to a news article on some Duel Monsters website. The first thing that caught her eye was a journalists photo of a familiar face, but it was contorted and chillingly malicious. His hair stood straight up and his eyes seemed to stare at her even through the computer screen.

"No way," she whispered.

Merit continued scrolling down the pages and read the less-than-flattering descriptions of his character and his strategies.

_...summoning Ra, the rare God-Card..._

_...leaving player Mai Kujaku unconscious and unstable..._

This was crazy.

_...sister Ishizu Ishtar refused to comment on her younger brother's actions..._

She saw another photo that showed her a familiar face.

_Earlier discovered fraud claiming to be Marik Ishtar in his duel with Katsuya Jonouchi. The Daily Duel is still researching this man's alliance with the Ishtar siblings. Possible names: Rishid, Odion. _

Merit found herself getting closer and closer to the screen. She sped read through the article until she found a title that was linked to another page.

_The Rare Hunters_

She clicked away and found herself again completely entranced and disturbed by what she was reading. There was no way any of this was real. These couldn't be the people she had grown to adore, the people she'd made such good friends with.

This page had another photo of her friend, this time looking just as he did before he chopped all his hair off, though his eyes were cold and heartless.

_In recent discoveries, Marik Ishtar is the alleged founder and leader of the group known as the Rare Hunters. The group's main objective was to collect the three Egyptian God-Cards and deliver them to leader, Marik Ishtar, for use against Yugi Muto. It has been reported that in his quest for the God-Card, Ra, he ordered a mass production of counterfeit Ra cards which resulted in several deaths. _

_**...several deaths...**_

Merit sat back in her chair, barely breathing. It was all so overwhelming and she didn't know if she could believe it. She felt tears well up in her eyes and her whole body began to shake. Merit even wondered if he were right behind her, ready to destroy her for uncovering his past.

"He... lied to me."

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, she finally found out. Uuuhm... yeah. I'm actually preparing to wrap this fic up here real soon. It's up to Chapter 16 so far, so we'll see how it all comes together. I'm just excited to finally be able to finish a long-term writing project, even if it isn't the best story I've ever thought up or written. I've never written something so long that I actually finished, so even if it sucks, there is still some sort of accomplishment here! YAY! Critique is always welcome! Thanks for reading!


	13. How Did We Get Here

**13. How Did We Get Here? When I Used To Know You So Well.  
** _(Decode - Paramore)_

Marik had an exceptionally strange feeling in his stomach. It was like being sick, but he knew he was perfectly fine. He watched the waves in the distance as he waited for Merit to show up. It wasn't like her to be late.

Ishizu was cleaning the house as per the usual when suddenly someone burst into her home. She suspected it must've been one of her brothers, but then the sound of those footsteps sounded more like the clicking of heels. Merit?

"Ishizu!? Ishizu, where are you!?" Merit had several pages she printed out in her hands, crumpling them as her fists tightened. This look on her was not her at all. She was terrified and even a little angry. Ishizu's heart sank.

"What's the matter, Merit? What's wrong!?" She raced over to the young girl's side and tried to calm her down. She prayed this wasn't what she feared.

Merit waved the pages around. "What is all this?" her voice cracked, holding back tears. "Why is there a slew of information running around about you and Marik and Rishid on the internet saying you guys killed people and-and who knows what else!? What's going on!?"

It was exactly as Ishizu had feared. She was almost in a panic. "Merit, please! I promise, I can explain everything!"

She sniffled. "Oh, I'm sure you can. Do you even know what it took for me to come here after I found all this? I don't even want to be here right now, and I doubt you'll give me the truth. You've all already lied to me. I... I shouldn't be here."

Merit went to leave, and Ishizu grabbed her wrist, really taking Merit back and stopping her heart. "Merit, just let me try to explain, _please_! Please, Merit, don't walk out of here until you hear what I have to say. It would destroy everything, please, just let me talk to you."

The younger of the women pulled her wrist free. "I heard you refused to comment on Marik's actions. Why are you so willing to talk now? Am I ruining some sort of plot you have?" She was shaking. What if she couldn't get free now? Merit never should have come back here.

"Because, Merit, you're the only person that ever-"

"That was stupid enough to get involved with people that were obviously dimented? I should have listened to what everyone was saying. But darkness doesn't follow you. You three _are_ darkness."

There was silence and Merit stormed out of the house, wiping tears from her eyes. Ishizu started to cry. She failed Marik again.

Marik had started off home now. It had been at least two hours and Merit still hadn't shown up. So that was what it felt like to be ditched.

He raced up the stairs to the front door and walked inside to a dark house. He heard crying, and that sick feeling in his stomach grew stronger. He ran around the house until he found Ishizu in his bedroom. She was bawling on his bed, just sitting in the dark. Marik stood in the doorway, afraid to move another step. "Zu... what's wrong? What's the matter?"

Ishizu sniffed. "I'm sorry, Marik, I'm so sorry."

Marik sat next to her. "Why, what have you done? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Marik. I don't think," she sobbed, "I don't think she's coming back."

His stomach flipped over. "What do you mean? What happened to Merit?"

And she cried again loudly. "She found out. I'm so sorry, baby brother, I'm so sorry! I tried to explain, but she wouldn't let me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Her knuckles were turning white as they gripped onto her skirt.

He didn't move. It happened. It actually happened, and much sooner than he ever expected it to happen. Merit finally knew who he really was, and all hope he had of ever escaping his past ran away with her. He really was a monster, and he always would be.

Everything they had worked so hard for shattered. Marik would be plumetted back into that darkness with no hope of ever getting out. And they were so close, so close to bringing back that happy little boy. So close to having a normal life, a normal family with normal friends. It was all right there.

Marik stared at the dark floor and pulled his knees up to his chin. _He's taken everything from me, even in death._


	14. Lord, I Need Someone Who Can Heal My

**14. Lord, I Need To Find Someone Who Can Heal My Mind.  
**_ (Tender - Blur)_

Rishid had become a stone statue when he found out about the incident. It was that same silence he had before, the silence that spoke loudly of his feelings. That he felt like a failure. They were all three of them failures.

Ishizu found herself letting the dishes go to hell and the beds stay messy. She couldn't stop thinking, stop worrying, stop wondering if she could maybe speak with Merit again, get her to understand.

And Marik holed himself up in his bedroom, refusing to turn on the light or open the door. He didn't even want to try fitting in with the world of light anymore. Maybe it was time they returned to the Valley of Kings and start where they left off. They couldn't continue to lead the TombKeepers from where they were living, and Rishid shouldn't of had to deal with them in private for Marik. It was time he went back to that prison and did his work.

* * *

How many times could she have been in danger? How many times did they lie to her? Why did she still miss them? It was the facade she missed, not them. They were liars and monsters. He was a killer, and they were his accomplices. They were going to sweep her away into a place where she would feel safe, and then they would break her. Maybe her parents had something they wanted. Who knows, but whatever they were up to couldn't have been good.

She rolled over in her bed, shoving the papers she had printed several days ago off her blankets and onto the floor. Maybe she would destroy them, or maybe not. Merit didn't know what she wanted to do at this point. She didn't know for sure how she felt other than confused and scared. She stayed home and studied most of the time or tried to help her parents out with whatever they needed to do. She unpacked her things, re-packed them. Maybe she would talk her parents into moving away again. Who knows.

Her heart was broken. She finally had a friend, a friend who at first seemed broken but was being fixed, and then it turned out he was a monster wearing a tearing mask. No wonder he was so harsh with her at first. No wonder they kept to themselves. No wonder everyone stayed away from them. They were demons.

* * *

None of them were eating right. Ishizu and Rishid felt too guilty, and Marik just plain hated himself. He made unforgiveable mistakes, committed cruel sins. Who could ever learn to befriend someone like him? How could he ever hold his head high or expect to be normal? How could he live with himself?

Death peeked into his mind several times. It had for years, and every once in a while he entertained the idea of removing himself from the world. Maybe he would actually go through with it this time. Maybe he would be doing Ishizu and Rishid a service in his suicide. Maybe it was the only thing he could do to make up for all the horrible things he had done in the past.

Merit was only the the last bit of weight to tip the scale. This wasn't something new, not something that she had caused alone. It was merely the fact that all of his fears were realized, that he would never be allowed to fit into normal society. He thought maybe he could just change himself, pretend his past was not his own, pretend he were an entirely different person. But the lying wasn't something that felt good, it wasn't something that changed anything. It didn't remove the memories, it didn't remove his shame. Pretending it all never happened only made the black tar baby with the yellow eyes fatter and fatter. The weight had pulled him down, even if he hadn't noticed it.

Marik didn't want to have to lie to be normal. That wasn't what he wanted. Marik had done enough lying for one lifetime, he decided. Maybe he'd done enough living for one, too. Maybe it was time to leave the world of the living before he caused anymore damage. Maybe it was his time to die. It was only right that he do it. It was only fair.

* * *

She wasn't accustomed to nightmares. Not ones like this. They terrified her beyond sleep, stalked her and made her question her surroundings, but she couldn't tell if the whispers were lies. She couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore. It was all so stressful. She didn't think she ever wanted to have friends again for fear of falsehoods.

It was now more than ever Merit wished her parents were home more often. But how exactly would she tell them that the one group of friends she had managed to make were murderers? How does one explain to their parents that they had a horrible misjudgement in character? And even though it should have been the least of her worries, Merit wondered if her parents discovered this, would she ever be left unsheltered again? She was torn.

Ishizu sprang out of bed. It was the most horrific feeling she had ever felt, but familiar. It took her straight back to Battle City, and she knew this feeling must have woken Rishid, too, when she heard the heavy footsteps running down the stairs to Marik's bedroom.

She followed after, heart beating. _Please, please don't take him from me! Don't take him!_ She slipped down a few stairs, lucky enough to catch herself on the banister.

Rishid had already discovered the bedroom door had been locked. He shoved his weight against the door, pushing at it with all the force he had. Ishizu raced over when she realized, and helped push down the door.

It fell into pieces on the floor, the two elder siblings falling with it from the unexpected tumble. They scattered to their feet, grabbing for the switch blindly, screaming. "Marik! _Marik!_"

The light flicked on, blinding. He sat in the corner, knees to his chin, wrists bloody, hair with streaks of red at the tips, face flooded with tears. He shook and sobbed. Was this really what he wanted?

They raced to his side, Rishid removing the razor from his hand and throwing it as far as he could. They held each other and cried until morning.

"Why won't I just die?"


	15. Baby, Don't Fear the Reaper

**15. Come On Baby, Don't Fear the Reaper**_  
(Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyester Cult)_

Merit had finally gotten up enough courage to go back out to the beach. She wondered if she would run into Marik here. To her surprise, it was Ishizu she ran into, instead. She thought maybe she should run, maybe she should ignore her and leave right away. But something made her stay. Morbid curiosity?

"Merit," she called out to her with this very strange tone. As though she only had so much breath left to live with, and she had a mission that must be completed before her time was up. "Please, can I just talk to you? I want to tell you everything. From the very beginning to every detail. You deserve to know."

She stared at the woman who's elegant eyes had always brought jealousy, and still, even when they looked so distraught, were still so absolutely beautiful. "Why should I listen? Why should I feel safe with you? How can I trust you, Ishizu?" She really did want to stay and listen, but she was so afraid she might put those rose colored glasses on again. She didn't want to be manipulated. She didn't want to be made a fool of.

Ishizu sighed. "Because, Merit, however you found out... it's all true, but don't you at least want to hear our version of it? You're right, with that kind of knowledge, you shouldn't feel safe around us and I dont blame you. We've been trying to pick up the pieces and make things right and be normal. We've been changing to the best of our ability, and with you around, with someone in the world who didn't know anything about our past, someone who gave us friendship and simplicity, it all became so much easier. If you don't stop to hear our side, Merit, I fear my brother will be taken from me in a way that I can never see him ever again. He'll die if things don't get back on track. He needs hope."

The woman stared at the little girl, desperate for an answer, shaking in her fingers. "I don't expect you to be friends with us after all this, but please, at least give it a chance. Please."

Merit looked up and sighed. "Fine. I'll listen, but only because I've wanted to know for so long who you three really were behind those walls. Only out of curiosity."

"Thank you."

She gazed at those passing waves, breathed in that ocean air. Was she really ready to hear the whole story? To every detail? From the very beginning? Did she trust herself with that kind of information? And what exactly should she do as a law abiding citizen? Why couldn't she just pick up the phone and call the police? Why did she hesitate to report a murderer and his accomplices?

"Do you know about the TombKeeper's?" Ishizu started. Merit nodded. "Well, my mother and father desperately needed an heir to the sort of throne. For years they desperately tried to get my mother pregnant with a little boy, but with no such luck for a long, long time. One night, when my mother came up to the surface, she found an infant boy who'd been abandoned. She took him in without a second thought and named him Rishid. My mother thought that maybe my father would accept him as an heir and let him take the TombKeeper's initiation, but again, with no such luck. He refused to accept Rishid as his own, maybe even hated him, despite Rishid's attempts at impressing him.

"They continued to try having a child of their own, a son. When Rishid was about six or seven, I was born. A complete dissappointment to my father, though he still loved me as a father would love his daughter. Mother, again, tried to talk father into letting me take the initiation, but he refused such a 'priviledge' on a girl. They continued and continued to try, until about three years later, Marik was finally born. Mother died shortly after giving birth, and Marik, almost as soon as he was able, started learning about all the responsibilities of Tomb Keeping. Rishid became a man-servant to the three of us, and he loved Marik and I like blood siblings, maybe even like a father. His heart has always been big.

"Marik eventually learned that there was a world aboveground with a sky and thousands of marvels, and he desperately wanted to see it. It was a new frontier for him, a new adventure," she smiled, "He always loved to go exploring around in the Tombs and look for lost treasures. It was something that just stuck in his head once he heard the stories the fellow TombKeeper's, the ones that were allowed aboveground, used to tell. He became obsessed with the world above.

"Eventually, it was announced that Marik would undergo the Tomb Keeper's initiation." She paused and looked to Merit. "Do you know what that is?"

"Yes... I learned about it in the States in my spare time. It sounds horrible."

Ishizu sighed. "Marik was still just a baby when he went through with it. He was eight years old..."

This all sounded so crazy. This didn't even sound real.

"He'd almost killed himself during that duel. Marik was ready to sacrifice everything if it meant putting things right. He hated himself and didn't think he deserved a second chance, or even a fight to live. Rishid, to this day, says he heard Marik's call, and it brought him out of his coma it was so strong. If Rishid hadn't found us when he did, Marik would've given everything up, "she started to cry, smiling a little behind the tears as she whiped them away, "But instead, he simply forfeit the duel, and he and Rishid removed Monster-Marik forever. Marik chose to live and set things right. I was so scared I was gonna lose him forever, and I know it's all my fault things turned out this way. I took him aboveground, I left Rishid behind to take the blame. I should have taken Marik back home kicking and screaming if I had to, I never should have let him get away from me. I failed him as a big sister! If any of us is a monster, it's me..." she sobbed.

Merit's heart was beating. It was a heartwrenching story if she'd ever heard one, but she still wasn't sure how to feel. She was broken-hearted for them, yet still so terrified. She felt tears of her own start to surface, and she wasn't quite sure why. What was this feeling? It was so confusing and frustrating.

"...No, Ishizu. You're not a monster. You've just been given a big burden and a lot of darkness. You did your best..." She almost felt like a zombie saying those words. She really meant it all, but she still couldn't help but feel like running away from everything. She didn't want this, she couldn't even handle it.

Merit stood to her feet slowly, taking Ishizu off-guard. "I... I have to go home now. I don't know if I'll ever see you again... but don't count on it."

And with that, she left, and Ishizu, again, wondered if she did the right thing.


	16. You Will Never Have To Feel That Way

**16. You Will Never Have To Feel That Way Again.  
**_ (Fighter Plane - Ellie Goulding)_

It was like the calm before the storm. Marik had absolutely no desire to do or feel anything. It all just existed and went on without him, and he didn't mind it at all. It was the closest thing to comfort he had right now. It was almost contentment; almost. It was the next-best thing he could think of. It was some sort of tranquility.

Ishizu continued to hum and haw around the house, cleaning as usual, but still completely concerned. She was so anxious, hoping that maybe Merit would see Marik one more time, even if she did leave their friendship behind.

Rishid went on with work, missing as many days as he could so he could be around home with Ishizu and Marik. Their home felt so unstable lately, like it might crumble to pieces at their feet. But it was all internal.

Strangely enough, Marik started going back to work here and there. He'd missed for a while, and it was amazing the elderly woman at the shop didn't fire him. She was entirely understanding, actually. Marik would show up for most of his shifts and keep to himself. Just sweeping around the shop could be theraputic, sometimes. Other nights, he wouldn't ever show up, and some days he did, but not until a few hours into his shift. The shop owner could only offer her support and patience; she knew he wouldn't let her in, but she couldn't bare to take anything more from him. She was so sure something deeply scarring had happened to him, something deeper than a break-up or a silly, teenage argument. This was something that had been festering up inside of him for months, maybe even years.

Some days, Marik would even visit the beach again, just to spend time with those waves again. They brought him sanctuary before, maybe they would take him back. Maybe they would wash away all of his sins like they used to, and rebuild him into something pure.

It went from some days to everyday. Everyday all day. He became obsessed all over again. He could actually think out here. This place was the only friend he needed, he decided. It didn't judge and it never ran away. It was constant, and it would eat up all that darkness for him. It was the truest friend he had ever known outside of his family.

He became infatuated with the duck dive, hiding from the smaller waves to reach your desired dance partner. Marik loved how that water would rush over the top of his head, pull his hair back with it. That cold shock in the face, that breath of fresh air. He wondered if he could become a fish, or maybe he always had been one? He would live under the waves if he could.

His heart started pumping and his adrenalin raced. He tore up the waves as they became his demons and he destroyed everything that they stood for. He slayed that darkness he was born in, killed that black tar baby with the yellow eyes. Marik was as ruthless as his other half. Yes, it was a trait he had always held. Yes, it was he that created that monster, he who hid behind that persona, he who birthed it, he who nursed it into a sickly leech and destructor. The anger was overbearing, he clenched his teeth until he felt they might break apart right in his mouth. Destroy that which destroys you. He felt the monster's rage, fought fire with fire. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump! This heart was his own!

Splash.

And he fell into the water, that ice-cold water. His rage was washed away, his fears and his melancholy.

_Is this the way I've always been?_

No. Oh, no. He remembered, just a tiny glimmer. Just a faint shimmer. It was like he was being reunited with that little boy again, that spark of light in the darkness. He smiled at him, big and bright and full of love and only the best intentions.

_It's not dark. I don't have to be scared anymore, do I?_

Marik smiled at that tiny reflection and shook his head. No, you don't.

His eyes felt heavy, like he would fall asleep at any moment. If he weren't submerged in water, you might be able to tell he was crying. But this wasn't sadness or anger or fear anymore. This was contentment; real contentment. This was sanctuary and forgiveness. A forgiveness he'd denied himself for so long. This was a chance at redemption. Things wouldn't get perfect over night, but he knew he was finally ready to try. He wasn't afraid to change anymore, he wasn't afraid.

The beach was exceptionally empty today, and Merit couldn't help but wonder why. The waves were barren and the sand castles all abandoned by their builders. "That's strange. It's a Saturday, too."

She looked out by the shore again, squinting her eyes in the sunlight to see. There was something strange there just up to the tide. And a pang of panic.

Merit ran over, kicking out of her shoes. Was it a child? What if it was too late?

The closer and closer she got, the more she realized the body belonged to someone she knew, or thought she knew, quite well. Her heart beat and beat. She fell on her knees beside him, thinking as quickly as she could in the given moment. What should she do? "Marik? Marik! What on earth, what are you doing out here? Wake up! Wake up, Radammit!"

She started shaking him, moving his head, his hands. Nothing. Looking at the incoming tide, she decided it would be best to drag him away from the water. Best for both of them, actually. She pulled him to the best of her ability a few feet away and listened for a heartbeat. She couldn't hear anything, but she wasn't sure if it was because of her state of panic or if he was actually dead or dying.

"Oh god, oh god," she said to herself, shaking, "Come on, what do I do? What do I do?" In a quick burst of enlightenment, she remembered the basic amount of CPR training her parents had her undergo for her own safety. Granted, she'd never be able to use it on herself, but it couldn't help to learn, could it?

She began to push on his chest, hoping she wouldn't have to do much more. She pushed with all her might, praying she wouldn't break a rib, considering it often happened in such a circumstance.

A crowd began to gather. But, from where? The beach was just empty a moment ago. Everyone began circling and Merit wasn't sure if she should ask someone else to step in or not. Paramedics were called, but they took ages to arrive. Marik, if he wasn't already, was for sure dead by now. Merit couldn't bring herself to think otherwise. And what if it were her incompetence that killed him? What would she do with herself?

Magically, it wasn't too late. Somehow, they'd managed to resusitate him. "He hadn't swallowed much water. We're guessing he just floated to shore belly up. Either way, he's lucky."

Ishizu, Rishid, and Merit sat outside his room. Merit still wasn't sure why she bothered to come with them. Maybe she was worried. Maybe she wanted to see him alive again before she left forever. Or maybe she wanted to give him one last chance to prove he was good to her. All she could come up with was a bunch of maybes.

Ishizu was ripping apart napkins nervously, Rishid comforting her to the best of his ablity. "Merit, I'm so glad you were there. I owe you so much-"

"I-it's nothing, Ishizu, really. I honestly thought he was a drowned child, at first. I would've gone after anyone. I think most people would."

Tearfully and shaking, she grabbed Merit and pulled her into a warm hug. "Either way, thank you. Thank you so much."

Merit smiled awkwardly. She didn't know how she should react to such a gesture. It was a little strange.

He smiled softly, eyes sunken in. "Sorry to make you worry, sis."

"Radammit, Marik Ishtar, what in the hell did you think you were doing out there all alone?" her sadness had been replaced with motherly rage now.

Marik chuckled. "I go out there by myself all the time and you never said anything before! You're just changing your story 'cause I almost died."

Ishizu was taken aback for a moment. What was this? "So, what's gotten into you? What sort of medication do they have you on? You're acting awfully loopy, little brother." Rishid chuckled, and Merit couldn't help but laugh a little, too.

He finally noticed Merit standing behind Rishid. She'd been hiding in the back of the room for some time now. Ishizu noticed his gaze at his old friend.

"She saved your life, Marik. If it weren't for her, you'd probably be dead."

"No, the paramedics saved you. I just got you out of the water, that's all. Your sister exaggerates." Her arms swung back and forth awkwardly and her eyes gazed all around the room in any direction she could get them so as not to look at Marik. This was terribly uncomfortable. Again, why did she bother coming?

"Thank you. I owe you a lot."

She sighed. "You don't owe me anything, I would've done it for anyone." What was it with these kids and their eternal servitude to someone just doing whats right? Merit started to wonder if they were just trying to find a way to get her to stick around. Maybe she wanted them to.

There was silence.

"Well, they said you can come home. Come on, get dressed so I can get dinner started. I'll make your favorite tonight, how's that sound?" Ishizu looked to Merit, "You're more than welcome to join us... if you feel comfortable."

"Uh... sure. Thanks."


	17. It's Your Life, What You Gonna Do?

**17. The Choices You Make Say What You Are and Who Your Heart Beats For. It's An Open Door. It's Your Life.  
**_(It's Your Life - Francesca Batistelli)_

Merit didn't show up for dinner that night, but they expected that. They only hoped that some miracle would bring her over. But it didn't matter so much anymore. Marik decided, with or without her, things would get better. It was a very small, fragile sparkle of hope, but it felt so good.

Marik started helping out around the house more, though there wasn't ever really much to do. It was just the three of them, and they weren't very messy people, but Ishizu adored the time she was getting to spend with her little brother either way. They never really talked much after they left the Tombs, so this small time they had to bond was very nice.

"I think I'm ready now."

Ishizu looked up from her housework, not quite sure if she heard right. "Ready for what, exactly?"

He gave a faint smile. "To take back my responsibilities as the leader. It's my duty to protect the tombs."

She stood to her feet. "Are you sure, Marik? Because Rishid and I have no problem leading from aboveground, still. The tombs don't need, you, Marik. They don't need any of us. We don't have to belong to that life."

"I'm just tired of running from the dark. I'm tired of running from my past and my demons," he sighed, "I want to do what I was supposed to be doing. It's whats right. And besides, as the new leader, I can always change some of the traditions." He gave a goofy grin, Ishizu understanding.

"Well," she started, "in that case, I think we can make some arrangements. What are you changing, exactly? Just so we're clear."

"The ridiculous taboo's and ititiations traditions. And, maybe... maybe we can use what we know from our scriptures and stuff to educate people aboveground. At least we could do something productive with it."

Ishizu smiled and pulled him into a warm hug. "I'm so proud of you, baby brother."

She thought she might hate herself for skipping out on dinner with them. Although she had talked herself out of it a few nights ago, now she was so curious as to what could of been.

Merit hummed and hawed about the Ishtar's story ever since Ishizu explained everything to her. She analyzed everything and tried to put herself into the situations they were forced to live.

The young woman walked downstairs to the kitchen, hoping to find something to ease her boredom. Eating was always something to do, right? On her way up to the bar, she was surprised to see her mother cooking something for an early lunch on the stove.

"Mom? What are you doing home? I thought you and dad were working all day?" she asked, sitting down at the bar.

Her mother smiled, grabbing some dishes. "Well, we were, but we decided we wanted to come home early and see you for the weekend. Something's bothering you, sweetie, I can tell."

"Oh, uh, it's nothing."

"Doesn't look like it to me. You've been looking so concerned and stressed out lately, and that is _not_ my daughter," Khepri smiled, eyebrow raised at her daughter.

Merit smiled awkwardly. "Well... I guess not. But-"

"But nothing. Tell me what's been bothering you." Her mother set her plate down on the counter opposite of Merit and began eating, waiting for an explaination that she would believe.

She sat there and thought for a moment, not quite sure where to begin or what she should even tell her mother. She sighed, resting her head in her hands. "Mom... do you think... do you think that someone who did really, really bad things can be a good person again? Do you think a monster can turn into an angel?"

Khepri sat and thought for a moment, now sure that this had everything to do with that little friend she had made and always used to talk about. "Is this about that Marik boy you were crying about in the States, sweetheart?"

Merit blushed and nodded slightly.

Her mother smiled. "Well," she took another bite of her lunch, "I do, in fact."

She perked right up. "You do?"

Khepri nodded. "Yup, I do. You know why?" Merit shook her head. "Because I wasn't a good person. You're mother didn't have the best reputation growing up. I did some really bad things and hurt some people on the way. A lot of good people got hurt people of me, like some of your aunts and uncles. And your grandmother, especially. They all wanted to help me, and I slapped them all in the face. Sadness is a sickness, baby girl. It makes people turn into ugly things and do even uglier things. I don't know what Marik did, but I wouldn't hold his past against him anymore. I believe everyone deserves second chances, Merit."

"But what if he's still a little sick?"

The elder woman thought for a moment. "Well... I think maybe he needs a friend now more than ever. Your father was that for me. Abasi has always been so perfect and I never thought I could ever deserve happiness, but he gave me that. He gave me a second chance and loved me unconditionally and always pushed me in the right direction." Merit could see a sentimental smile creep up on her mother's face, "He gave me forgiveness, and it was the best thing anyone has given me since. Besides you, sugar-pie."

Merit smiled, suddenly a little hopeful. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before, mom?"

"Because I was ashamed. I wanted you to be proud of your momma."

"I am proud of you, mom."

He found it a little easier to talk to strangers, though his fear of rejection still lingered. Marik wanted so badly to be normal, and now he wanted it so much that he was actually willing to fight for it. He was going to fight for the life he always wanted, but he was going to fight the right way this time.

Marik was much more talkative around work. The old woman ended up becoming like a grandmother figure to him which Ishizu adored. Lately, everything had been smooth sailing. Peaceful, even.

Ishizu walked up to Marik and leaned closely to him. "You know, Marik... I did see Merit before the incident at the hosptial." He stopped sweeping to listen. "I told her everything about us, about our past." He now looked directly at his sister's eyes, almost as if to ask her to continue. Ishizu chuckled a bit. "She ended up consoling me before she left. I just thought you should know... that I told her, that is."

He stood there and thought for a moment. "It's alright. Probably doesn't make much of a difference that she knows, anyways..."

She sighed. "Well... either way." A silence. "By the way, Rishid wants to go surfing with you after you get out of work. He misses it and I think we should all go spend time together outside of the house, anyways."

"Alright, sounds good."

She sat in her room, fighting with herself about the whole situation. Did what her mother say to her earlier apply to this sort of situation? A murder? Several murders, in fact? Was that the one exception; that a person who took another person's life was always a monster and deserved to die?

Did everyone deserve second chances?

And then it hit her.

It was hot, even for Egypt, today. The sand burned the bottoms of your feet and the sun was absolutely blinding. The waves crashed violently, tossing the smell of salt into the sky, one of Marik's favorite smells.

He and Rishid rode those violent waves, crashing and splashing into the cold tide, Ishizu observing from the hot, white sand. It was so nice to be able to enjoy themselves again. Actually, is was nice just to be at peace for once. It wasn't a familiar feeling, but it was a wonderful one.

Marik looked out to the shoreline as he surfaced after a good crash, and one person in the crowd caught his eye. A person wearing a bright yellow skirt that was impossible to miss even from his distance. She ran out towards the water, certain that he would be out there. Ishizu saw her run by and her heart stopped. What was she doing? Marik paddled out towards the shore to meet her half way.

She was losing her breath, and suddenly she realized just how close to the water she was. It actually took her back for a moment.

They all just stared at her, wondering just what her move was going to be, what she was thinking. This was unexpected and a little sudden. What was she doing here?

Merit and Marik locked eyes like they were trying to communicate to each other through their minds. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to speak, afraid of what the other one was going to say. This was kind of weird, actually. Why was it so difficult to speak? Did they forget how to?

She knew she couldn't yell out to him, anyways. Her voice would have been drown out by the waves and it just would have made this whole situation more awkward than it already was. How could she show him what she wanted to say?

_"You wouldn't even share a surf board with someone while they rode?"_

_Merit thought and then shook her head again. He chuckled. _

Merit couldn't figure out just why exactly this was the best idea, but she knew it was the ultimate proof of her trust. Her heart beat ferociously like it threatened to just end her. Why couldn't she think of something else? Why was this course of action the one that pushed her? Why throw her into the one place that scares the shit out of her?

She didn't have an answer. All she could do was kick her shoes off and just run into the water towards him, shaking and terrified.

Marik couldn't believe his eyes. He suddenly wondered if she'd been lying to him the whole time about her fear of water. But then he saw her hesitate, and he knew what she was up to. He paddled to meet her even closer, very well aware that this had to of been taking every ounce of her courage.

She was up to her chest in water now and this was not very comfortable, especially considering how her shirt was clinging to her body. This wasn't as great of an idea as she thought it would be. They had finally met each other, and Marik, a little unsure, reached his hand out for her to take, and she took it immediately. She was done with being in the water, it was clear. She held onto the board for her dear life, praying that this would be over with quickly.

He didn't paddle out towards the waves just yet though. "Merit... why are you doing this? Why'd you come back?"

She took a deep breath, horrified. "I'm sorry. I should have at least listened to you. My mother had me change my mind." She took another deep breath. "I know you deserve a second chance. I trust you."

Marik smiled. "You must if you came all the way out here with me. But... you know, there aren't any waves I can surf on this far out. I do have to go out farther."

"Please, just don't say anything else. Just get this over with so I can at least say I proved my trust to you. I think I'm gonna piss myself." He couldn't help but laugh, and rather loudly, too.

And he paddled out into the deeper water where the waves were threatening and cold as ice. Where the big fish swam and the current would bury you on the ocean floor. When he reached his wave and stood, pulling Merit up with him, he felt a sudden grip around his waist. This poor girl thought she was going to die. And she would probably take him with her, considering just how tightly she was clinging to him. He wondered if he would die of asphyxiation before he could even finish surfing today.

He went a little easy this time around, thinking mostly of his passenger at this point. This was his last shot at proving he was a decent guy now and he couldn't just waste it. Marik decided surfing wasn't fun with a partner now that he actually had one, and he wouldn't be doing this again any time soon. This was like going back to crawling after you learned how to walk. He grew bored quickly and took Merit back to the shore, she practically ready to break his fingers she was holding onto his hand so tightly in the water. It was the most pitiful she had ever been around him.

"Are you alright?" he chuckled as they reached the hot sand.

Merit took a few deep breaths again. "Yeah. I'm fine."

He smiled.

"Besides... it wasn't that bad, surfing. And... you know," she thought, trying to figure out how to say this without coming across as cheesy or kindergarten, "you are my friend and all, so I knew I was alright."

And she suddenly felt arms around her and she couldn't move. "Thank you. Thanks for being everywhere that I went. Thanks for stopping me to introduce yourself. Thanks for giving me a chance when no one else would. Thanks for being my friend, Merit. I really needed one."

She smiled and hugged him back. "You're welcome, Marik."


	18. Behind What You Are

**18. Behind What You Are**

Alright, so I finally finished a lengthy fanfiction/piece of writing! Woohoo! It's the first time I've ever finished a story like this (besides all my itty-bitty fics/Oneshots), so I'm pretty happy with myself. It might not be the best thing I ever wrote, but I certainly did accomplish something! Yay!

Anyways, I thought it might be a nifty idea to give you guys all the information you could ever want to know about this story. I do have a new character involved, and it might be nice to know a little bit more about her? I also thought there were some points I might want to go into detail about since some of them, while important, weren't really touched on in the story. (Like the Ishtars and why they're living where they're living, etc etc). Later on, I might include links to a playlist of all the Chapter Title Songs and even some songs that inspired the story but weren't included in the Chapter Titles. I'll also include links to fan-art I've made regarding this particular fanfiction (like a picture of Marik's hair-cut) to give you an idea of what everything in the story might look like. Enjoy!

**Merit Akhenaten  
**Alright, about this girlie. Given I adore Marik Ishtar (or Malik, whichever you prefer) and how much of a hopeless romantic I am, I really wanted to pair him up with something, but there wasn't a soul in all of Yu-Gi-Oh! I could picture him getting romantically involoved with, especially after the finale of the series. So I created my own fan-character to pair him up with. I never expected to write her into a fanfiction or do anything serious with her, really. She was mostly just created for the purpose of being able to draw cute pictures of Marik with a cutie patootie.

Her name means something about being cherished (I mean, come on, this is an English word, that you would use to describe something of value, though it is an Egytian name as well) and when I saw it, I almost died laughing. "Merit and Marik, ahahahahaaaa! It's so ridiculous and cute and I HAVE TO HAVE IT!" I seriously was so amused by the similarity in the names that I could have cried over it. Seriously.

It was really hard trying to come up with a design for her and even a personality (though, she is kind of bland, actually. Very typical female character.). I had to be sure she could be a part of the Yu-Gi-Oh! universe believably. I went through quite a few designs before I finally just decided on putting her in a cami and yellow mini-skirt with the occasional green vest. And of course she had to be in heels. I kind of proportioned her to look like a ballerina (short torso, long legs), which wasn't necessarily on purpose, that's just how I draw most females.

I decided she wasn't going to be some badass duelist, either. I mean, not EVERYONE can be a duelist, it just isn't realistic. Especially given how much this girl would have traveled due to her parents, she wouldn't have had much practise playing with other duelists. And besides, the story couldn't focus on the card game, it had to focus on the Ishtars and how they were dealing with their past.

In the story, Merit really symbolizes the outside world for the Ishtars. She's someone that is completely normal and a part of everyday life. She's so important to them because of the fact that, to them, she symbolizes society. When she rejects Marik and the other Ishtars for their past, it was supposed to symbolize how the rest of the world would react to them. She plays an important role in their healing because she's the first person to treat them like normal people and show them what its like to just be normal and have normal life problems.

Considering I created her to be a romantic interest for Marik, writing this story made it kind of difficult because on the inside, I really wanted to push the two together. I did decide to keep everything ambiguous so that I could let my audience choose whether or not they would be compatible, especially considering I know how hard it is to read through a fanfiction if a fancharacter seems unbelievable or if you just don't like them. I can't tell you how many fics I stopped reading because I didn't like a fancharacter and I especially didn't like them being paired with an official character. I didn't want my audience to feel uncomfortable with her. Not to mention, at this point, they shouldn't have been romantically involved. I'm glad I didn't end up making this a romance because neither one of them would have been ready for that. Marik still has his own demons to figure out and Merit just didn't know him well enough to even consider liking him. Though I think it may have been obvious she had a crush on him. (Or maybe I just see that because I ship them in my own time).

**The Ishtars**  
After the end of the series, I was desperate to figure out where they would have ended up. I hated the idea of them going back to the tombs. It didn't satisfy me at all; their whole childhood was so dark and tortured because of those tombs, and I hated the idea of them going back to that life just because Marik got better. And I honestly thought it was the last place he needed to be while he was trying to heal.

I decided while listening to This is the Life by Two Door Cinema Club that Marik totally has the look of a surfer, and I just had to write about him surfing. I thought it would be something he would love, actually. I also thought it could bring him together with Rishid (though they really don't need that, they already have a pretty close bond that I adore).

I really do believe Rishid and Ishizu play the role of mother and father with Marik. He really is still a baby considering he'd been very sick as he went through puberty (in the way that he was suffering with a split personality disorder and had a very misguided idea about his own life). Marik needed to be taken care of.

Honestly, I believe Rishid and Ishizu have always put Marik's needs before their own, and I really admire that about them. They have so much love for him, despite how completely imperfect he is. Despite the sins he's committed. They love him inside and out and only want what's best for them, and that's really beautiful. And honestly, I think it bothers the shit out of Marik (or it would when he realized just how much of their own needs they've ignored for his). I don't think he would like that, especially after Battle City. The whole reason Marik fought for revenge was because he loved his family so much. He was a sweet little boy that just wanted the suffering they were forced to go through to end. But his desire for revenge just poisoned him until he completely forgot why he wanted revenge in the first place. He started walking all over his loved ones. When he realizes how bad he's fucked up in Battle City, he becomes very quiet. He still isn't better. He's still not his normal self, he just realized he needed to straighten the fuck up.

I really do think that Marik hates himself for how badly he's fucked everything up. I always felt that way after seeing him forfeit and realizing he messed up. I wanted to see his internal struggle and I wanted to see him learn how to be okay again. I wanted to see him smile again as he did as a child. Marik isn't a horrible person like everyone makes him out to be. He was a very sick person. He did horrible things, but that doesn't make him a monster. He's a very complex type of villain in the fact that he didn't think he'd done anything villainous. He wasn't trying to take over the world or gain power or anything (at least, that wasn't what he was truly after). He just wanted to avenge his family. That's it. He wasn't worried about anything else. There are plenty of good people that go after revenge.

But yes, while Marik was poisoned by his desire for revenge, he became a total bastard. He became self-entitled, insensitive, uncaring, cold, and controlling. He did horrible things. He isn't entirely misunderstood, he just let himself fall into a really bad personality. He coped with his past in the worst way possible and it destroyed him from the inside out.

**Yami Marik**

I do wonder if I confused anyone with this part of the story. I just want to clarify that all those moments were hallucinations. Marik was so destroyed by his darkness that he honestly didn't know who he was anymore and he felt like that darkness was still brewing inside of him. He was a nightmare that Marik couldn't shake.

There is a moment when Marik has a nightmare where Yami Marik is a purple smoke protruding from his mouth, hands soaked in blood and pulling Marik closer. This scene is actually based on a piece of fanart I drew titled Associated by Need (a brother fanart to a picture I drew of Yami Bakura and Ryou titled Associated by Force). It was meant to be very symbolic of their relationship. How Marik created as a cry for help (coming from his mouth), and poisoned him (the smoke) as he protected him (pulled him closer) in a destructive manner (the bloodied hands).

**The Black Tar Baby with Yellow Eyes**

This creature is a symbol for Marik's darkness. I pretty much implied that Marik was impregnanted with evil, which is just the simple way of explaining it. That baby is just a manifestation of Marik as an infant and how he believes he was born into darkness and always would be darkness. In the story, Marik sees himself as a curse on his family.

**Tombkeepers**

Marik is still considered the leader of the Tombkeepers. But like I stated earlier, I honestly didn't think Marik could handle it while he was trying to heal, and I don't think Rishid and Ishizu would have thought so, either. In What You Are, Rishid handles most of the Tombkeeper stuff so that Marik doesn't have to. Marik doesn't even know about when or where Rishid meets with the other members just to protect his sanity, honestly. I knew the Ishtars would have had to remain in contact with the other Tombkeepers, and I really liked the idea of Rishid being the one who would talk in Marik's absense.

**Can Monsters Turn Into Angels?**

As someone who thinks Jesus Christ is a pretty sweet guy, this is something that is actually very important to me. I do believe in second chances and I do believe even the evilest person can become good if they so desire to be. Does that mean that if I met someone who had done something as horrible as what Marik did that I would immediately be okay with them? No, it doesn't. Just knowing what someone is capable of is reason enough to be afraid of them, even if they've changed. I didn't want Merit to be that typical fancharacter that just totally accepts Marik and all his sins, because that's just not realistic. No one can honestly say that if they met someone that had committed murder that they'd be completely okay with them (unless you're a murderer yourself). There aren't very many people that would still accept their brother or sister if they did something like that. Murder is one of the most taboo things anyone could ever commit, and is in fact the worst evil in my opinion.

The subject of "Monsters Turning to Angels" is one that I, myself, needed to go in depth with. While "people change" is my motto, it doesn't mean accepting people just comes naturally to me. This story actually touches on a subject that I needed to explore for myself. And I think this is a subject that some people need to touch on because maybe they are the monster trying to become the angel. Those are the people that need acceptance more than anyone because they won't accept themselves until someone tells them that they are not defined by their past or even their heritage. As long as you're living, there's always time to change. You always have the choice to be good. It doesn't matter who you were in the past, what matters is what you make of yourself in the present.

The title and final chapter of this fanfiction is from the song It's Your Life by Francesca Battistelli, and it's a song about taking control of your life. _It's your life, what you gonna do? The world is watching you. Everyday the choices you make say what you are and who your heart beats for. It's an open door. It's your life._ That song really motivates me and I thought it was the perfect song to inspire this story and to help me touch on this subject.

**Marik's Depression**

I know a few of you might be confused by the chapter in which Ishizu tells Marik that he's comfortable with being depressed. Why would anyone ever want to be sad, right? Trust me, I know this shit from experience. It's not even that you want to be sad, it's just that you don't know how to be any other way. You're afraid of change because it's unfamiliar territory. You're afraid to man up and just be happy. Being depressed is an illness that's very hard to fight. And, you know, I'm not saying Depression is something that you can just snap out of, especially Clinical Depression, but if you want to be happy, it is YOUR decision. I know this from experience. I was just so unhappy with myself, my life, everyone around me, everything. I used to cry myself to sleep at night because I hated this world and how fucked up everything was. I cried because my dad wasn't in my life. I cried because nobody liked me. I felt completely undesireable. I cried because my step dad made me feel like an insect. I cried just because I thought my life would be horrible forever. And then one day, it just hit me. I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore. I decided I didn't want to waste my time worrying about all the bad things. Bill and Tom Kaulitz actually helped me to realize that it's up to you to live every second, and that optimism is the best medicine.

Happiness can happen overnight, but I won't promise it to anyone. If you suffer with depression, please call a doctor. You may have Clinical Depression, which is actually a disorder that causes your brain to not do what its supposed to do. That's one that you just can't expect to control overnight. If you need someone to talk to, you can always get in contact with me and I will talk to you.

There is a scene where Marik asks Ishizu to just "let me go." This was him asking her to just let him die. He thought dying was his only way out. He didn't want to die, just like anyone committing suicide doesn't want to die, I repeat, they do not WANT to die, they just think its the only way out. This is something that is very misunderstood by most people. Suicide is not so black and white. A person committing suicide does it because they honestly think it's their only option to get away from their problems. There are a list of signs as to how to know if someone is thinking of committing suicide, and they give out these signs because they want someone to give them another option. If you think someone is going to commit suicide, find them help. Tell someone that can give them options. Suicide is never the only option.

**Child Marik**

There is a scene where Marik is under water and sees a child version of himself and speaks to him. This is a symbol of how Marik has always been stuck in that same mentality as he was as a child. Marik was still that little boy lost in the darkness of those tombs. When Marik finally let go of that darkness, it let that child let go of the fear. It's just a symbol of Marik's childhood being set free. He didn't have to be afraid of the dark anymore.

**The Flower Shop**

I thought a flower shop would have been the best job for Marik. It's quiet and slow going. Very peaceful. Plus it would have been fun to draw pictures of Marik working in a pretty flower shop.

Also, the old woman who owned the flower shop was totally inspired by the old woman with the want add at the grocery store in Lilo and Stitch. For reals.


End file.
